gushers don’t gush like they used to

bridal shower weekend

train day today

barely

a paper plate with like maybe a couple tablespoons of salsa & 5 tortilla chips on it

my aunt brought out this plate of chips & salsa for us (8 people) to share lmao

now now

i am concerned that many people now seem to think zohran is now the mayor

i think it feels worse to not get someone else’s joke than to have my own joke fall flat

this is how i’ve gotten better at push-ups after, oh, a lifetime of being terrible at them. i actually kind of enjoy them now!

Fortunato (coughing): You’re certain the Criterion Closet is down here

Montresor (picking up a trowel): Definitely. Have you thought about your picks yet

Yet Luigi launched a thousand hand-wringing op-eds from the chattering class. Makes you think

Screenshot of daily “Spelling Bee” game. The letters are L, P, H, I, C, E, and N, with N being the required letter. “Cinephile” is the word being entered.

The word “Cinephile” is not only accepted for the game, it’s a pangram! +16 points!!

FINALLY A SPELLING BEE MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR ME

i peeped some of the comments because i needed to know what kind of braindead advice people were giving & one guy was like “i have to use soooo many prompts to get what i want” & i’m just like…. you’re writing. you’re already writing already, you idiot. you absolute buffoon. just go do it for real!!

if only there were some way to include only the exact things i want in a story….. like if i could think about what i want to happen and then type it out? or write it in a notebook?? that would be awesome. too bad that’s not possible.

There’s a reason this scene gets posted a lot.

“There’s a guy named Furphy.”

chet hanks all but guaranteed us a chet deficit (a chetficit)

a safe way to pick a movie a Dad will enjoy is go with something either michael mann, tony scott, or ridley scott directed. they are the Dad Directors.

please enjoy my letterboxd list of dadcore movies on this dadcore day

boxd.it/hp92a

Thousands of Christians are being rounded up and deported by the U.S. government, but they’re not cottagecore tradmoms or their homeschooled goat milk enthusiasts, so these guys are fine with it. Actually, they’re thrilled.

How I imagine people reading my Letterboxd reviews

this morning coffee took a dump that was in the perfect shape of the number 2. so now i have a photo of dog shit on my phone which is cool.

someone in my neighborhood just set off fireworks at not even 8:30am and can we please not

this is a dumb talking point the conservative wing of my family loves to use even though my great grandmother and her mother overstayed their visas so 🤷‍♀️

it’s so funny to me when people are like “MY grandparents immigrated here the RIGHT way!! LEGALLY!!!” because it’s like do you know that? for a fact? how do you know? because chances are they probably didn’t lmao.

me every day: i have to eat something but i don’t know what. i have to eat something but i’m not really hungry. i have to eat something but i don’t want to make anything. I have to eat something but there’s nothing to eat. i have to eat something i have to eat something i have to eat soemthrjjbf

it really doesn’t matter if someone is in america illegally or not. who cares, grow up

freakin movie should be called Now You Hear Me Aussie Accent