West Side Story really went downhill after the Jets jumped the Sharks.

- I’m going into town today to look for a football shirt, you know that white one with a red diagonal stripe?

- Peru’s

- Have a look, yeah.

No

Nope

Not yet

Nearly

Just a tiny bit more

BURNT!

#ToastedTeacake

Thank you very much x

Thank you!

Ta!

I wouldn’t eat the snacks outside the toilets at The Crucible… a small percentage of the snooker loo peanuts are wee.

GLENNY! Who’s Iceland’s best female snooker player?

Baulk!

Big snooker. Better set off early then. They’re expecting long queues.

- I’m going into town today to look for a football shirt, you know that white one with a red diagonal stripe?

- Peru’s

- Have a look, yeah.

Who’s your favourite Beatle: Jack Douglas, Charles Bronson, Rodney Bewes, or Richard O’Sullivan?

Who’s your favourite Beatle: Jack Douglas, Charles Bronson, Rodney Bewes, or Richard O’Sullivan?

I’ve got a hole in my pocket.
No change there then.

I think he was impressed.

I’m at a car place, I need a new battery.

I drove into a bay and popped my bonnet. The mechanic smiled, took my keys, then went and opened the boot, where my battery is.

Hot-cross buns!
Hot-cross buns!
One a penny, two a penny,
Hot-cross buns!

- I’ll have two then please.

When you stub your toe half way through dictating a quote for a van

My mate used to row for Cambridge, he was in the debating society.

I just spent too long reading the comments under a sport related post on Facebook. Aside from the whole tiresome ‘banter’ thing, and the overuse of cry laugh emojis… a LOT of people can’t spell losing.

I wonder who they got to play Pliers?

It’s a good time to be posting puns about pensioners.

They’re older age right now.

Ey up, GlennyRodge.

Flapjack (n) A speculum.

Holly came from Miami, F-L-A…

I love it when Titchmarsh does his song.

I always end postcards with:
P.S. Are you still planning to kill your Postman?

My wife and I are trying for a baby.

Adults find us annoying as well.

You can see the family resemblance.

Rosie’s enjoyed Crufts today.

Charles Dickens would contradict himself at the best of times.

Crufts is on! #COYD