One of the stupidest things about Late Stage Capitalism in the US, is how we've paved every available inch of paradise to put up parking lots, but now thanks to decades of cost cutting and staff reduction businesses couldn't meet the demands placed on them by their lots being half full
Also worked to braise ribs in, I should do that this weekend, but I added a little malt syrup to it for ribs
I used to stir a spicy jerk seasoning blend into applesauce and use it as a marinade/glaze for pork tenderloin
I'm sorry Ms Jackson
I am surreal
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I'm a fish with one gigantic eye
I don't actually have a hard target for steps, I use the app to track sustained pace
I KEEP THAT THANG ON ME
i heard that jizzing on tramp stamps is making a comeback
Fixable skill issue
i am currently hiring for the position of Avenger Of My Murder. if you are interested in that position please send me your resume and a picture of your horse and sword
A screenshot of the monthly view of a step tracker app, showing four days with noticably less movement, including two that what nearly entirely sedentary
Using only these subtle clues, see if you can deduce which days were entirely consumed by Teams Meetings...
As it turns out, touching someone "tenderly" has nothing to do with chicken fingers, and now I'm alone for Valentine's Day again
All I'm saying is that if the Grinch really wanted to make a difference that mfer would've stolen Valentine's Day
Struggling to find a Valentine's Day card that smooths over having stolen their prescription meds during our first date
The problem with AI is that everyone making decisions about it is basically the Queen from Snow White, who's got a Magic Mirror but just wants it to tell her how pretty she is, instead of any single practical thing
It's absolutely ridiculous how AI is demonstrably useful at things like assisting radiologists in comparing years of scans, but all anyone wants to promote is how it can make the shittiest comics imaginable
It's very funny how AI ads are never like, scientists using AI to scan thousands of ancient documents or some kind of actual plausible good use. It's always a guy being like hey chatGPT how do I make a bowl of cereal do I start with a bowl or the milk or what
Her Tinder bio said that she was really into Music, so I've made my introductory message a voice note set to the Benny Hill Chase theme
Actual sex in a bathtub usually features way more discussion about how small this particular tub is than they ever show in movies
I cannot physically express how exhausted I am by *gesturing at literally everything*
Rushing in the door, hurriedly changing clothes, to make sure I've left myself plenty of time to do nothing
*extremely youth pastor voice* You know who else would redact all your wrongdoings?
"It's an Old Family Recipe" I say, as I poorly manage my emotional well-being
This is all fucking stupid, I say as somewhat of an authority on being fucking stupid
The Resistance Will Be Practical
Blue Collar resistance simultaneously demonstrates the actual real world fragility of Capital while it undoes the idea that Labor is ever menial
AI can't make art, because AI can't reread something it's written years later and actually hate itself for having written it
I don’t care what anyone says, revenge is even better if you microwave it for thirty seconds.
I mostly stay employed to help drive my screentime averages down
Guys, weeping with gratitude because of your generosity. this is a fundraiser my best friend and I started to help her sister spend more time with her terminally ill daughter. Please donate if you can we're trying to reach 16k. Thank you so much for sharing too gofund.me/9536bd2ab
It's like the textual equivalent of doing a cartwheel
Too much sociopolitical commentary from the kinda people that need the instructions on the handwash bottle