Hell is described as a "lake of fire" in ancient texts because, at the time, it was the most painful thing that the authors could imagine. Largely due to the fact that capitalism had not yet been invented
Because everytime we listen, we get this feeling
I just finished repotting and doing maintenance on 25 of my houseplants when I decided to give my 8 spoiled cats some treats. Then "Everytime We Touch" came up on my playlist, and I decided to reward my hard work with a sparkling water. I milennialed so hard today. Might kill an industry later
The energy between us is orange cat.
Donald Trump says that he’s Jesus. Some liberal critics disagree.
Credit rating agency: if you don't have any credit cards, your credit score does down
Me: ok, so then if I apply for a credit card, it would-
Credit rating agency: you're not gonna believe this
They should make husbands who actually like their wives.
People who say "your ass is mine" know very little about my stubborn and deeply annoying ass
The market for felted cat hair jewelry is going to take off, I just know it
Seattle housing market be like:
Just reduced! 2bd 1ba lightly condemned former hoarder house/meth lab. Spacious 650sq ft w/ beige (?) wall to wall carpet. Rusted half car comes with house! 2ft of scenic yard space with mature blackberry bushes overlooking future landslide area. Only $650,980!
All I need in life is 10 million dollars and a way to kick Mount Rushmore in the balls
Almost, but it doesn't hurt to get a third job and two more side hustles just in case
Hell is described as a "lake of fire" in ancient texts because, at the time, it was the most painful thing that the authors could imagine. Largely due to the fact that capitalism had not yet been invented
Seattle housing market be like:
Just reduced! 2bd 1ba lightly condemned former hoarder house/meth lab. Spacious 650sq ft w/ beige (?) wall to wall carpet. Rusted half car comes with house! 2ft of scenic yard space with mature blackberry bushes overlooking future landslide area. Only $650,980!
Wife: we need to talk
Me: RATE LIMIT EXCEEDED
All I need in life is 10 million dollars and a way to kick Mount Rushmore in the balls
(deep sigh) ok i can't believe i have to say this out loud (again):
TALKING ON YOUR PHONE IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM IS DOUCHY. AND GROSS.
who called it being a lone warrior in an post-apocalyptic world and not Madmaxxing
As a person who shares this world with you and who may be burdened by rules or regulations passed to try to protect idiots from themselves, I am begging you to be less stupid. Do it for the good of humanity
I have no business knowing what your team's plans are for Q3. I probably SHOULDN'T know. You're a corporate privacy nightmare.
Your medical information, financial information, and relationship information are also not my business.
Do you want ID theft or scammed? Is that what you're aiming for?
People who intentionally take meetings and personal phone calls from places shared with strangers- why are you like this? Are you too stupid to respect your own privacy? Desperate to look important? Too selfish to respect that other people don't want to hear your bullshit? Too lazy to find privacy?
chrisxvargas ® 5h 24 years old. Fully paid off Costco hotdog. It's not "parents money". It's not luck. It's consistency. It's discipline. I grind EVERYDAY to live this lifestyle. COSTCO Costco $1.50 Paid $1.50 Remaining $0.00 Payment schedule Pay in 4 Fri, Jan 05 1 of 4 • Paid $0.375 Fri, Jan 19 2 of 4 • Paid $0.375 Fri, Feb 02 3 of 4 • Paid $0.375 Fri, Feb 16 Final payment • Paid $0.375
There's a land like Narnia in the back of the walk in freezer at Long John Silvers
Successfully mediocre
Wild to me that sea horses are considered fish when they’re clearly just little guys
The trees are getting their leaves back now so I guess it’s time to stop bullying them for looking so fucking horrible
Generations of Americans were raised on Nazi propaganda to think they were ruthlessly competent villains instead of a room full of bumbling barely literate dipshits, crackpots, cranks, and Joe Rogans.
Imagine if in 50 years people talk in hushed awe about how coldly scientific RFK was, how machine-like his mind moved, how charismatic etc.
One guy like "actually he was a fucking *trainwreck*, loathed by everyone, he-" and everyone tells him to shut up.
Or during lunch
