I just think sometimes *you* need to be the karma that gets someone

Half a banana in a bed

Pulled back the covers to get into bed and found half a banana my toddler discarded this morning and honestly I’m just glad that someone in this house got to sleep in

Oh my goodness, you have raised a whole person!! 💜💜

Now that is a good question! What is time and where is it running off to? 💜💜

Thank you so much!

Thank you!!! It is happening so fast! He’s saying cute little sentences now 😭

Yesterday we closed on a house and today my baby turns two, and still I walked back into the kitchen for lunch to find I only took one bite of the banana I thought I’d finished. The more things change and all that

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you definitely can’t handle me forgetting cans of Diet Coke in the freezer

The sexual tension between me and an older woman I work with after she calls me honey on a meeting

I am ALWAYS so proud of you bébé

Thank you 💜💜

Photo of a person doing yard work

Two years ago on Father’s Day I was giving birth and today I am … still being an awesome dad. In case you don’t have that in your life, this dyke dad is sending you love today 💜

I’d recommend having a toddler if you love sleeping with a weighted blanket, but wish it also kicked you in the face

Look, I’m sorry if I’m bad at my job, but I’m using my only two brain cells to figure out if my toddler is saying “sip” or “sit”

A magician making something disappear except it’s me setting down the thing I was just holding and then never finding it again ✨

Iconic

Happy Pride! We’re here, we’re queer, we’re tired.

Love a toddler DJ set (switching the character on the tonie box every 3 seconds)

I know! It was so rude. I asked her if it happens a lot and she said almost never. I left a huge tip because her behavior was so badass

The woman sat down and glared at us for the next 50 mins.

After the cut my stylist spent time styling my hair and now I’m headed to my wife’s softball game looking like I’m going to a wedding.

Drama at the salon: while getting my hair cut a woman came in and demanded a touch up from my stylist, Billie. Billie kindly said she was busy the next few hours but invited her back at 4. The woman refused and then said “you have to do it now”. And my stylist said “no, I do not have to do it.” 1/2

The window between me liking my hair and being so desperate for a haircut that I might do it myself is about six hours.

Hard to have a bad day when it starts with a toddler spoon feeding you their yogurt while saying, “mama, mmm”

Baseball hats are to summer what hoodies are to winter (emotionally)

An FSA account that is just to cover my toddler’s berry budget

It is TOO MUCH

My brain cannot handle another hack, please just let me take twice as long to do it completely wrong

Consistently inconsistent 🥹

Number of times I’ve left the house today: 3

Number of times I forgotten to take out the trash that I left beside the front door so there was absolutely no way I could forget it: also 3

I do need this