And obviously I mean bad, not bad

I KNOW it's sooo bad

Dustin Hoffman did a McDonald's commercial and got paid in meat for his 10-year-old cute fluffy dog. I was in his fancy sports car as he pulled into a parking garage. The car seats were positioned so that we were laying down with our legs pointed 90 degrees in the air, for luxury comfort.

"adult costume chinese emperor" featuring middle-aged white guy in a fake rice hat, silk robe, and fuckass beard doing a racist pose in a bowling alley

"adult costume chinese emperor" featuring middle-aged white guy in a fake rice hat, silk robe, and fuckass beard doing a racist pose in a bowling alley

Happy Halloween to everybody but this guy

Cruise ship/my college. My grandparents wanted to ask the captain something. I led them to crew quarters/dorms bc I thought someone who wasn't steering the ship would take them more seriously. My grandma went ahead of me down a sloped concrete path, slipped, hit her face. My dad and I helped her up.

There is no single way to resist; only the courage to invent one. 👍

What appears to be a front-facing mugshot for a very cursed "Sesame Street Bert costume."

What appears to be a side-facing mugshot for a very cursed "Sesame Street Bert costume."

Extremely cursed

Group text: I say "Anyone gonna be at SFI this weekend?!" and my friend replies "We're 40". The auto-responses are "Yay!" "Cool" "Okay" "Fun!"

💀

FB marketplace listing for "ex gf's stupid little trinkets and crafts"

I have my own stupid little trinkets and crafts but it sounds like I would get along with ex gf

The word USA and an arrow spraypainted on the street, pointing to a sad dessicated roadkill creature.

Never seen a less subtle omen

Within her first 30s on the court today 🔥

me and friends with various iterations of espresso martini

June 22: one ube espresso martini

me and friends with rainbow jello shots

me and friends with glasses of wine

me and friends with a glass of espresso martini

me and more friends with rainbow jello shots

June 21: many gay jello shots, a couple glasses of gay wine, and a gay espresso martini

me and friends with a jug of espresso martini

June 20: back to espresso martinis, unfortunately

🥳

June 14: one weird pisco piña colada

me and friend with espresso martinis

me and friend with espresso martinis

me and friend with espresso martinis

me and friend with espresso martinis

June 11: four espresso martinis

me and friends with drinks

me and friends with drinks

June 9: one spicy watermelon margarita and one Long Island iced tea

I kidnapped a dictator's child for an MFA project.

me holding an espresso martini at drag bingo

me with friends holding espresso martinis at drag bingo

June 5: two espresso martinis at drag bingo

me holding an espresso martini

me holding an espresso martini

Thread of Pride Month drinks!

June 1: two espresso martinis

Literally every time I hear Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne I get extremely disappointed that it's not Let's Go by Trick Daddy

😭

I was living with my dad in my piano teacher's house. I went outside and walked around the neighborhood by myself looking at yards full of huge holiday decorations. I came back home and tried to make dinner but couldn't find ingredients, so went in the freezer to give my dad a popsicle instead.

It's giving rural juror

a man in a suit is drinking from a nbc coffee mug Alt: Kenneth Parcell giggling and drinking from an NBC coffee mug

Thread of times I think about 30 Rock:

It does highlight a random selection of s tier dreams sooo

Google Translate screenshot translating 'zebra libra' in Esperanto to 'zebra book' in English

Last night I dreamt I was greenlighting an animated kids' astrology movie called Zebra Libra, adapted from a popular Esperanto-for-babies book. The protagonist zebra is really cute with big doe eyes and a tooth gap 🦓

(I don't speak Esperanto but I looked it up and it does in fact mean 'zebra book')

✨thread of dreams✨

I love this return to the anonymity of @danoettinger.bsky.social being my only engaged follower