The purpose of stickers is to Never Use Them so that when you die your friends can put them on your coffin

It was a slow apocalypse. Anytime someone opened a door, there was a chance they’d find a better world on the other side. Those who went through never returned. Few even tried to resist. The planet emptied. Soon, the other realities didn’t even need to be better. Just different.

Common dog beliefs:
• Houses are just cars that don’t move much.
• The Moon is quiet because it is very shy.
• Humans don’t really understand human words either, so barking is just as good.
• The wind is an invisible friend who brings fun new smells.
• Carpet is fancy grass.

PSA: if you use ChatGPT you are training people to ignore you

I was wondering how I burned through 2gb of data when just listening to downloaded music while driving, and apparently Spotify opted me in to an option where it will shuffle unliked / undownloaded songs into the playlist.

the people we are ejecting are the future accountants, c-suites, engineers, doctors, and lawyers of other countries but, to the average american, we treat them identically to some dirty criminal who is fresh off of the boat. really, we are a nation of arrogant, petulant clowns beyond measure.

LEFTIST: Dude, you need to grow up and get a hobby. Start treating women like people and find a useful role in society.
RIGHT WING INFLUENCER: You’re a pussy. You’re a beta cuck. You’re poor because of the soy in your blood. Suck my dick, simp.
YOUNG MAN: the liberals have left me no choice

every once in a while i remember how Kash Patel authorized a counter-terror operation in Africa without telling the African nation in question that they were deploying there

biggest W of my career. it was all worth it. thank you @kilotango.bsky.social 🥺😭😭😭 framed in my living room, gonna treasure this forever!!!!!!

A cartoon image in oranges and purples, of two cat-ish creatures floating in space. One is dark and goth with wings and scythe, the other is white with dark tufts on their ears and tail and chunky claws

Hey @dilfosaur.bsky.social, to say thankyou for being so kind on the latest @drawfeeshow.com ep I thought, why not loop it around even more and did some earnest fanart of some of Mini Karina’s little guys :) Tried to pull from all the moonpaw designs, I hope you like it!

ever since the tragic cases in the 1990s of teenagers following their liege lord into death it's been a major problem

Text received Today at 6:20PM which reads "I'm considering giving Gaston all my birth info. I want to see it all"

Gave a skeptical friend a "scary accurate" astrological overview of the next few years, now I may be getting a birth time 😈

article headline stating “the dire wolf is back: Company says it has revived extinct species using ancient dna”

jurrasic bark

this hyundai ev concept is the aesthetic i want in my electric car, i want to feel like a cyberpunk private detective with a drinking problem and an ex wife thats rooting for me

aesthetically jelly beans are the best candy because they validate the inherent human desire to eat pebbles

when john deere recently found itself facing a strike on 2021, it used office workers to staff warehouses, and ended up with a much higher incident rate

after five weeks it capitulated to the union

Update: was forced to update my phone again, and it seems like they updated the haptics on my keyboard. Very frustrating they would change something like that. I've spent months knowing what typing feels like and now it's different for no reason

It's so funny that people spent Cory Booker's 25 hour filibuster saying, "Well, this man's entire career has been craven betrayals of the entire working class, but maybe he's turned over a new leaf," only for him to immediately throw away 25 hours of good will to vote to kill more Palestinians

Said it before on twitter but if you're signing up for someone's patreon on iOS please DO NOT use the patreon app, just use a web browser instead

The iOS app charges an extra fee that goes right into apple's pockets IN ADDITION to them placing a 75 day hold on the money before we even get it

Just cause I don’t have anything to say doesn’t mean I’m going to stop posting

A screen cap of Toyama Koichi's (a Japanese comedian who ran for Mayor of Tokyo under the "revolutionary fascist party") infamous speech where he vowed to destroy Japanese society if elected. He is currently saying "This nation must be destroyed!"

We elected the non-comedy version of this guy:

Searching "hawkstrology" brought me to this post, so close enough

people keep tagging me in fuck around and find out content like I haven’t been talking about how pandemics lead to fascism since 2020.

The “find out” portion isn’t just for everyone who doesn’t consider themself a liberal—it’s for them too.

Haven’t masked in 4 years? FAAFO.

The remote work debate was funny because it forced the question "Is a job something valuable you do or is it a place you go to be watched like daycare" and the answer for a lot of them was yeah it's the daycare thing now come on inside recess is over

Look there's a LOT wrong with sci-fi and fantasy books from the 80s and early 90s but those authors would find the thirstiest, most shameless sicko imaginable and pay him $5000 to draw the horniest, most extravagant cover art you've ever seen in your life and we need to go back to those days