Received a voucher for a free Google Cloud certification exam but then I found out the exam proctor isn’t even a licensed proctologist

Smh

Cybersecurity people big mad at Scattered Lapsus$ Hunters, TeamPCP etc. for doing the crime that do be profitable

Meanwhile, if no one was exploiting all the poorly designed tech and incompetent people, the CyberSec industry wouldn’t exist

Have you thanked an APT today??

OMG, Mythos just sent me a GenAI picture of my family tied up in a basement and told me if I don’t hand over domain admin, it’s going to start doing the real hacking (off limbs)

The future is now

“Mythos” this, “cybersecurity is over” that

Are we now taking cybersecurity advice from the company who leaked their source code less than 10 days ago?

Listen, the world is probably going to end today

You can either die alone or take a chance on that sketchy email trying to help you find love

The world will probably end tonight and you spent your last day with Microsoft Teams

>friend asked for help moving into apt
>hellyeahskeleton.gif
>send ransomware samples
>he is no longer speaking to me
>???

If AI is so good at writing code, how come it can’t code a working script that deletes it off the face of the earth??

Checkmate, clanker wankers

Therefore, if you need help finding your way to Proton's domain for whatever reason, feel free to use this inconvenient domain instead:

privacylarp dot com

In light of Proton recently handing over user payment data (and backup emails) to Swiss authorities in response to FBI request, this is your friendly reminder Proton is privacy larping and evidence hilariously suggests giving them any money actually makes you less private

1/n

Me receiving email with malware payload attached and compressed:

sigh… *unzips*

So I guess you can just create your own Apple newsroom headline by posting the link of the search…

Today I’m drafting a strategy and roadmap for replacing a security SaaS whom we currently pay upwards of $750,000 a year due solely to the behavior of their account team and the way they talk down to my team

The SaaS team has no idea and I cannot wait to tell them in person

Take a lesson from Meta mANUS and never half-ass something when you can literally full-ass something

Furious at myself for missing the butt joke here

It’s called MANUS as in:

MAN U Stupid to be using this

They call me 007..

I am not good at Linux permissions

They call me 007..

I am not good at Linux permissions

This is your Cybersecurity person in the meeting where you want to integrate bullshit AI into whatever app is next on the chopping block

Disparity’s nuts

Why I Left Linus Media Group.

It mostly came down to disparity

1/n

Interviewer: And what would you say is your greatest weakness?

Me: Sometimes I give short and vague answers to stupid questions

My kid came into my office and showed me a toy leopard but called it a cheetah

I spent the next 10 min explaining the differences between their characteristics and showing pictures of each

Then my kid says ok, well I’m naming this leopard “cheetah”

None of these are mine, but I did have extras of some of these and gave them away

Can’t wait to display my trophy

Ngl, if it was my job to manage security keys, I would kms