If a toddler was standing like this, you’d do a smell test.

a close up of a man wearing a plaid shirt and a sherpa jacket making a funny face . ALT: a close up of a man wearing a plaid shirt and a sherpa jacket making a funny face .

here's a preview of the mens USA hockey team sitting there tonight, violently hungover, 1 hour in and realizing it's gonna be another 2 hours of speeches:

Poilievre giving up MPs for lent, apparently.

My biggest fear in life is driving a tire into that hole in the ground at the oil change place.

They're worse than the pension survey.

Alberta Next Panel Albertans need a direct say in how to strengthen our sovereignty within a united Canada. Taking action will protect our province from Ottawa's continued attacks on Alberta’s economic wellbeing.

Make you watch a 4min propaganda reel before you take their “public” survey 🙃

Then casually ask “should immigrants be denied access to govt programs?”

Classic UCP: wrap xenophobia in folksy nonsense & call it “listening to Albertans.”

Tell them to shove it up their saddles:
albertanextpanel.ca

Personally I think if the automatic doors shut in your face walking into the office, you should get to go home for the day.

“Fooled me once, you can’t get fooled again”

Starting a war bc nobody went to his birthday.

a close up of a woman 's face with a serious expression ALT: a close up of a woman 's face with a serious expression

me: I need something to take my mind off things right now.

universe: how about the threat of nuclear wartime?

me:

Trump leaving the G7 early is like the kid who went to sleep away camp and made their parents come pick them up the first night.

Prediction of Trump at the G7:

Kananasticks… Kananaskips? Kanka… what a name! What a name. Canadians, they have very strange names, very strange. I said to the guide, I said, ‘Is this even English?’ He says it’s Indigenous. I said, ‘So is Liz Warren,’ you know, Pocahontas, and we all had a laugh.

Let me get this straight: the ucp government has banned windmills in certain areas to protect the viewscapes of the same mountains they now want to mine for coal. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Greta Thunberg should win the Nobel prize

Nothing has convinced me that politics has become show business more than the media covering the Trump-Elon breakup 24/7 when they could literally report on *gestures broadly* ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON IN THE WORLD!!!

"YOU WANNA BUY A SLIGHTLY USED TESLER?!"

It’s not “sudden death” overtime so much as it’s “gradual emotional damage” overtime. #LetsGoOilers

“WHY isNt ThERE a STRaight PriDe pARADe 😩”

There was. It was in Ottawa and they blockaded a downtown and harassed residents for like 3 weeks.

0/10 NO NEED FOR ANOTHER

When it happens, they should let out puffs of orange smoke from the White House chimney.

Well, I guess I have to let go of my secret dream of becoming a billionaire and buying Taylor's masters and gifting them back to her as a way of making her be my friend.

Does anyone want to start a podcast with me where we go out and find old answering machine tapes and listen to the messages and then make up stories about the context?
We can call it, "After the beep"...

It sure would be nice if Danielle Smith and the UCP were as interested in protecting kids from measles as they are about protecting them from books that they've never even seen or had access to.

Someone who doesn’t even know me well just wrote, "you're wonderful!" in an email to me and now I'm crying in case you're wondering how things are going.

And when you add in the fact that the #1 cause of death for pregnant women in the usa is homicide and suicide, this is beyond terrifying.

I know this is morbid, but I hope beyond hope that the fetus inside Adriana Smith does not make it to birth.

They will use this as justification for using dead womens' bodies to harvest babies.

Maybe they’re just filming a new govt funded reality tv show:

“Big Brother, Bigger Conflict of Interest”

Or

“Love It or Lease It (From Mraiche’s Sister)”

New tenants incoming on my patio! 🐣

PSA: That ice breaker game “2 truths and a lie” is a lot more fun if you just tell 3 lies.

Ottawa-area unemployed man criticizes Mark Carney's cabinet picks.

The best and worst thing about being an adult is that you can have an ice cream sandwich for lunch.