Thank you, #TheArchers tweetalongers. I’m off for some apple crumble and custard from a packet. See you next week!

Miss Babs brandishes an official-looking envelope, with Mrs Overall in the background.

Miss Babs: “Mrs O, It’s a letter from Mr Bert. He’s suing #AmbridgeAntiques for stubbing his toe on the Vino de Milo!”
Mrs Overall: “Oh, I am pleased!” #TheArchers

Brian: “I’ve got this little nagging voice in my head.”
Lilian: “That’s just the director, Darling. Take your headphones off and the voices will go away.” #TheArchers

Brian: “Nobody knows except Ruairi and 5m #TheArchers listeners!”

Rex: “I keep expecting I’ll mess up.”
Kirsty: “Don’t worry, Rex. We can always re-record the scene if you do.” #TheArchers

Rex: “Must be nice having someone to swan around all these glamorous places with.”
Kirsty: “It is. We’ve been to The Mailbox studios, the writers’ room, and the BBC canteen.” #TheArchers

Brian: “BTW, George thinks I Chardonnayed him. Because that’s what I told him. But he probably didn’t secretly record my false confession for a future omnibus or anything. So that’s all good, then.” #TheArchers

Lilian: “Don’t worry, Darling. Your dad doesn’t have dementia. He’s just covering up an attempted murder.”
Alice: “What?”
Lilian: “What?” #TheArchers

Rex: “Want to see my early purple orchid? It’s very small still.”
Kirsty: “No thanks.”
Pip: “I want to show Lottie the beavers.”
Lottie: “No thanks.” #TheArchers

Doctor: “It is the best possible news.”
Pip: “ #TheArchers is being cancelled?”

Stella: “What would you like, Ruth?”
Ruth: “Cinnamon latte please.” ☕️
*awkward silence*
Ruth: “...and a Pint of Shires, obvs.” 🍺
Everyone: “PINT OF SHIRES!” 🍻 #TheArchers #PintOfShires

Ruth: “Everyone should just chill the f*** out. We’re on #TheArchers Time now.”

Chelsea: “I’ve had a text from Dad - look.”
Bert: “Why don’t you read it out for the listeners?” #TheArchers

Chelsea: “I’m just texting my Dad.”
Bert: “He’s not going to be developing a speaking part too, is he?” #TheArchers

Fallon: “Oh – hi Rex. WTF are you doing here?”
Rex: “Recording an episode of #TheArchers. You?”

Rex: “Hi, Chris. I’m here with Alice (my girlfriend, your ex-wife) for an incredibly awkward conversation.” #TheArchers

Chelsea: “You’re in a good mood.”
Bert: “Yeah, well I’m 90 years old and I’ve just discovered the power of speech!” #TheArchers

Lilian: “Let’s not bother Debbie. What can she do? She’s so far away, at the Donmar Warehouse.” #TheArchers

Lilian: “Hello, Alice. Where was Oliver off to with those coconut halves?” 🥥🥥 #TheArchers #ClipClop #ClipClop

Ruth: “Me mother used to say: don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.”
Stella: “Why did she say that?”
Mrs Overall: “She was barmy, Miss Babs.” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Ruth: “It’s like they’re behind a glass door…”
Stella: “They are. That’s the studio manager's office?” #TheArchers

Bert: “I need an appointment with the Agricultural Story Editor - it’s an emergency! I’ve recently developed a speaking part, and it’s getting out of hand!” #TheArchers

Azra: “What would help people around here?”
Alice: “Addiction services, obviously. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help when you’re addicted to #TheArchers.”

Alice: “Hi Azra, I heard you on the radio!
Azra: “NO, Alice! NEVER listen to #TheArchers! You’ll get trapped in a metafiction paradox feedback loop!”

The ‘How Long Have You Known?’ scene from Breaking Bad (s5 ep10, ‘Buried’, 18 Aug 2013), in which Marie (Betsy Brandt) confronts Skyler (Anna Gunn).

Lilian: “How long have you known?” #TheArchers #BrookfieldBad

Brian: “Aren’t you going to say anything? Look, we’re here - at the top of p23?” #TheArchers

Brian: “Is that a skylark sound effect? That’s the first one I’ve heard this year.” #TheArchers

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill - Official Music Video YouTube video by KateBushMusic

Brian: “I used to be able to run up this hill.”
Lilian: “Maybe you could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places, Darling?” #TheArchers #KateBush

Fallon: “This plotline with you and Rex… is it going anywhere?” #TheArchers

Fallon: “I’m missing Harrison.”
Alice: “Don’t worry. I hear a rumour he’ll be leaving #CoronationStreet soon.” #TheArchers