"So...why DO YOU get all the love in the world?"
"Put the scream in that shit"
"This is the Crossroads Session"
"The energy is dark and it's got teeth"
In rehearsal for some possible new cover ideas.
Saturday night, stepping out of the shower, was still looking for any connection to feel drawn to keep the "furry" in my life going. Codeword was spoken
Ultimately I felt "what's the point? What am I doing here except on my own like it has been all my life?" Raises new cover idea
NIN - "Only"
You know what...I'm gonna look at a particular instance that happened this weekend and remember it. I'm curious.
I don't know whether it's the injury I took, the sudden change of heart I've got about the fandom on my life, or both.
That's...honestly a first for me
Well here goes nothing.
A lot of physical work today but with only one hand. Wish me luck
Aww snap! Here we fucking go for the final time. Hey, I said I was going big with my Vortex cosplay for con. Only thing bigger is a fursuit
Commissioned tail and ears
As you know, my door is always opened. For now, I'm about to depart. But please, if I could ask for anything, just words of encouragement would be appreciated. With that, I'm linking my Telegram once more. If you wish to help, please come chat with me.
t.me/PupEclipseDiabolus
I started with nothing, just an idea. I had a chain I'd wear as a tail. The story of my wolf who was brutalized for his differences, saved and given to me as a totem. I never thought years later I would see myself asking this question.
But here I am...alone...in doubt.
I feel I have given myself so many chances to be happy, even as I've gotten older, taking of the oyster the world gives all of us to succeed and be happy. So many things I have done, many more I have missed out on. I think back to all the pain I felt getting here, the nights I've cried
Of all the activities, interests, feeling it happily becoming a part of my life, I have always felt however some part of me that just wasn't good enough or feeling like it was only bringing me struggles to smile, to feel like I truly am happy to be furry. I live with years of doubt I wish was gone
Today is a day of reflection. Yesterday saw a day full of failures. I'm not going to sugar coat it. What tries I had weren't good enough. The mindset I had wasn't strong enough or willful enough. And today I'm facing it. I'm going back 15 years to ask myself...
"Do you still want to be a furry?"
I curled up crying in my bed looking at my wound thinking to myself "this is your wake up call". Trying to get the sensation back in my thumb is...yeah.
There's so much I wanted, but now I want them less. The search is over. No more "pack building".
Self...see the truth.
Most I know are just getting up. I'm just going to bed. Been in the ER. 8 stitches on left wrist.
I'm not talking about it. But change? Lifestyle changes. It's time to leave things behind and move on. People, places, things...
It's okay to take time for yourself. It's okay to ask for help. I guaruntee the people who care about you want you to reach out if you're hurting, and I want you to find the courage to reach out if you are. The world is a better place with you in it.
Horsey still believes in you 💜
Hey I'm not sure who might need to hear this, but in this last week I've seen a lot of hardship happening for so many people. So this is a well being checkpoint -
#FursuitFriday 16/52
Too cool for this normal shit
"These bananas taste funny"
Me: "So those are Fun-anas"?
I may be the only one laughing, but at least I thought it was worth a chuckle or two
I made the conscious decision to get back into pinball after a near year long hiatus, still trying for my second billion points. I just have to say, with that return, it has boosted my self confidence pretty dang high today.
Today actually ended up being a pretty good day. Aside from a sudden burden thrown at me, got home and played the excuse of a casino, made about 11 grand in chips then went into pinball. But now I'm just sleepy
This has the looks of being another chill Wednesday. If that's the case, that would be great!
But you know, as long as I've played digital pinball, I'm certain I'll get my second trillion points before I get even close to a million chips. It's luck vs skill.
*goes into MMO late last night and wins 10,000 chips*
Me: Oh...um...thanks, but you're 240,000 short and um...I just scored about 4 billion points in pinball today so um...you can take that pocket change and stick it up your ass.
-It's basically Four Kings Casino vs The Pinball Arcade now
Hot take: I don't know what technically classifies as a "gamer", but as of last night I'm through with that. In both games I played I had an immense struggle, both of which were internal game problems. And I'm pretty pissed off this morning so... I'll slave it off with manual labor
It seemed to be going well today. Then all of a sudden the coffee maker goes haywire and now I'm irked. Failed communication at that but that's been going on all day.
But it's like, the last three or so hours I've just been in a really pissy mood.
After some careful consideration, the cover idea for nickname "Contagion" will be canceled. In this day and age, music and the songs I cover by other artists are primarily done to relieve anger and stress...not potentially create
I'll leave it to lore
Coffee in one hand, bone in the other this morning. That's how it is this Saturday.
Internet connection drops and go back into a lobby that doesn't have said peoples in it
"Fuck this lobby, she just dug her nails in his back...I wanna go back!"
Holy shit all my years of playing the game I'm in, we've got ERPers...
Woof ya'll it getting hot in here and it ain't the weather
It's a "enjoy drink and play MMO" kind of night
It's about to get silly
Since my collecting Three Days Grace is caught up, I was recommended another artist for my library. You might be surprised to know I have nothing from this man, that was, until Easter. You know what that means! You get one, you get em all!
Welcome to The Library, Rob Zombie
Wolf smut books...
I'm full blooded and while I won't dismiss perusing literature as a means for my dick to stand at attention, actions speak louder than words with this one. They say "read the room" but I don't give a fuck if you grope me and start kissing me on the spot.
THAT'S being a wolf.