when you’re playing a game and you get an alert that your friend’s logged in and they’re playing the same game.

You Like Me Too Much - The Beatles (1965)

screenshot from Jesus Christ Superstar showing Jesus looking concernedly down the camera. overlaid text reads “I’ve made a huge mistake”

everyone: hey JC, JC, won’t you die for me?

Jesus:

I’m not a cool guy

April Fools
😎
👉👉

having the flight attendant stand next to my seat for the safety demonstration feels like involuntary audience participation at a play. I’m trying to respectfully watch her like 👀 coz turning my head feels too intimate when her body is right there.

a win for feminism? there’s a queue outside the men’s toilets at IMAX but not the women’s.

accidentally said “avoision” instead of “avoidance” in a meeting today so that was good.

watching the season finale of Love Is Blind and Ashley says “I’ve got this” and her dad goes “of course you’ve got this. you’re Ashley Carpenter - black belt”. I’m genuinely moved. what more could a woman want from her dad?

but officer, that’s my emotional support TikTok of a woman summarizing a juicy Reddit post and its best comments.

two panel meme. panel one: man’s hand holding a piece of paper that says “muñequita”. panel 2: Rob Thomas looking concerned.

Rob Thomas on his first day at the Pronouncing Spanish Factory after lying on his CV

mate shut the fuck up

what do you mean they’re super fragile? and what do you mean that they’re a luxury souvenir now instead of just an accessibile way for people to buy music?? WHAT DO YOU MEEEAN??!

it fucking sucks that we’re finally back to recognising the value of physical music media but it’s jumped back to before CDs. like what do you mean i have to make room for a turntable and giant fucking vinyl records in my house?

Kylie Minogue as the Green Fairy in Moulin Rouge

if you were turned gay by Kylie Minogue in Moulin Rouge you may be entitled to compensation.

Rydell High nurse: it’s the first day of school and already my castor oil is missing.

school pranksters: *shidding and laughing*

Rydell High nurse: it’s the first day of school and already my castor oil is missing.

school pranksters: *shidding and laughing*

overheard at brunch: “…French cousins, English cousins, autistic Swedish cousins.”

Screen shot of Frodo from Lord of the Rings with text reading “All right, then. Keep your secrets.”

when a Spanish-speaker says a word that may have started with a B or a V.

I just watched the trailer for that new Muppets thing that’s coming out soon and Statler did a “doooh hee hee hee” instead of “doooh hohohoh” what the fuck

sometimes the dog will make eye contact with me while he’s pooping so I give him a thumbs up.

my take-before-food antibiotics splashing down in my stomach and seeing the one bite of food I had before I remembered to take it.

what’s the most cursed Subway salad combo coz I’ve just seen a woman get nothing but avocado, beetroot, olives and carrot.

tfw you agree Invasion Day is not a day to celebrate but you really need the day off coz you’ve already been absolutely fucking bodied by the first couple weeks of the year.

by far the best thing to come out of wearing glasses is that people have suddenly stopped hitting me in the face.

when I was a teenager I was so desperate to have a cool bedroom decorated with cool movie posters but our Blockbuster didn’t always have a great selection so for a long time I had a Tea With Mussolini poster up on the wall.

tfw it’s the Australian Open and all the seemingly normal people in your life turn out to be tennis maniac sleeper cells who’ve been waiting to be activated for the last 12 months.

I hope one day to feel as satisfied as Cher must feel watching the whole internet read Dax Shepard to absolute filth for how pathetic and gross he was to her on his podcast.

screenshot of the first eight lines of Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz

you know, I think it’s time Lenny Kravitz got his flowers for his deft lyricism.

me: I am a discerning, non-gullible person

also me: *only clicks on Pinterest recipes called “THE BEST _______”*

a man in a suit and tie stands in a room ALT: a man in a suit and tie stands in a room

I rewatched Memoir of a Geisha the other day and I can’t stop thinking about how Mameha is like “Hatsumomo would never go after Nobu, he’s so fucking gross” and then you see Nobu and he just has a small amount of scarring on one cheek like