Wahoo! My new book, Own Your Calm, has been included in Stylist's “30 bright & beautiful buys for a spring reboot” feature! It’s out officially next week across Europe and the US. Usually I’d be a bag a nerves, but obvs I’m not because this is an anti-anxiety journal, so I’m calm as anything.)
When I wrote my last piece on Epstein, oh, about a hundred years ago (two weeks), I guffawed at the very notion of anything remotely resembling a consequence landing at anyone’s feet. Well, turns out I may have to eat my words. Hurray!
Or do I?
Here’s where things currently stand...
In my latest article, I unpack the whole sorry Andrew–Epstein saga for those who prefer their scandals served succinct, sharp, and laced with spluttering incredulity.
Or perhaps I should call him (as one commenter put it) “The Andrew formerly known as Prince”.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-prince...
“Before chemo, you’ll need a reversible stoma,” said my oncologist.
“No, thanks.”
“The tumour’s blocking your bowel – it could rupture.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Two days later, I was in surgery.
My new piece on how a weird little bag saved my life:
jousmar.substack.com/p/stoma-or-d...
Part 2 out now! What you actually need to know about this Jeffrey Epstein horror show – why its catapulted back into the news. Why MAGA is very unhappy. And why “the birthday book” is SO much worse than imagined. I waded through it all so you don’t have to.
jousmar.substack.com/p/jeffrey-ep...
Turns out, sometimes having cancer is hilarious. My new article is on the unexpected lols that come from cancery ridiculousness. Read or listen below. (Fair warning, my audio recording skids off the tracks big time at the start. Enjoy!)
jousmar.substack.com/p/when-havin...
This was just posted by @tbretc.bsky.social on another platform. The Chicago Sun-Times obviously gets ChatGPT to write a ‘summer reads’ feature almost entirely made up of real authors but completely fake books. What are we coming to?
I'm am so chill about receiving feedback on my work. I certainly don't make up entire defensive conversations in my head or draft pass-agg emails every time. That would be ridiculous.
Chuffed to be asked to contribute to a brilliant Substack last week about memories from the birth room. My story is about giving birth in a country when you don't speak the language...and you also have cancer. What a joyride.
charlottemg.substack.com/p/stories-fr...
What does my obsession with serial killers say about me? "I can’t even imagine trying to work out how many hours I’ve dedicated to investigating serial killers. It probably equates to about half of my life – and I'm okay with that." My new piece is out now:
jousmar.substack.com/p/fascinated...
My new piece is about not recognising myself in the mirror, post-baby, post-cancer, post-turning 40. I find myself thinking, “Who the hell is that?” I want to adore my body. It kept my baby alive while fighting a tumour. It’s half my mum, half my dad. How can I be both grateful & disappointed?
The space farce! My new article! About how our scorn should be directed at Jeff Bezos, not Katy Perry (who’s an easy mark): “A rich man paid for this diverse group of women to go into space while simultaneously undermining their role in the field’s future.”
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-space-...
“If a reliable office job is a smooth-running SUV, then freelancing is a honking, spluttering clown car careening down the street with its bumper hanging off.”
My new article is on the mayhem & magic of freelancing - especially after a massive life event.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-agony-...
Also bags? Plastic, tote, Ikea, foldaway, etc. I have 100 “just in case” bags. I have bags of bags.
My new piece offers a sneak peek into the diary of a top US security official:
“Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect.
💪🇺🇸💸🏈🔥🍆”
jousmar.substack.com/p/diary-of-a...
If you ever feel insecure at work or out of your depth, just remind yourself that hey, at least you haven’t revealed state secrets, war plans, and called Europe “PATHETIC” in a group chat that accidentally included a top US journalist. You’re doing fine! 💪🙌
I am obsessed with this Hegseth Signal story. It’s terrifying, yes, but also just sooooooooo embarrassing. Imagine sending emojis in a chat about war. Emojis! 🫠 And calling Europe “PATHETIC” in angry capitals. My stomach is eating itself with cringe.
Pete Hegseth today
Aw, shit. My bad, guys. I thought "VP" in the Signal chat was Vice President, but it was Vladimir Putin.
Goldberg in the Signal chat like
a screenshot of Signal messages: - war secrets tonite 👀 - war secrets tonight queen?? - war secrets tonite 👀
who did this??
Dear Americans, the level of batshittery the rest of the world can take without having a collective heart attack has been reached. Please try to rein it in, yeah? You’re too big to be behaving this badly. Ta, your pals over in Europe.
three panel cartoon by @emilyscartoons.bsky.social … in the first panel one person says "let's not talk about politics any more, I can't bear it" and the other person replies "same." in the second panel, they say nothing. in the third panel, the first person yells "THE THING IS THOUGH" and the second person yells back "THOSE FUCKING IDIOTS"
literally every time I talk to friends
Your dignity honors the bravery of the Ukrainian people.
Be strong, be brave, be fearless.
You are never alone, dear President Zelenskyy.
We will continue working with you for a just and lasting peace.
Ancient air traffic controller: “I can no longer see, but I was great back in the day.” Elon: “As long as you don’t support DE&I that’s good enough for us! Welcome back!”
Having a child is realising that loads of oldie worldie-sounding illnesses exist. Hello, hand, foot and mouth disease!
My latest piece is a convo I had with a friend about how she feels like a failure in love. “How can it be a failure to want to seek love? What is love but consistent, relentless hope?”
jousmar.substack.com/p/failure-at...
Have any other cancer survivors found the whole aftermath-period incredibly weird and hard to deal with – almost more so (well, in a different way), than being smack-bang in the middle of the shitstorm?
#cancer #cancersucks #coloncancer #cancerawareness
My love letter to cities: pump that filth, beauty, mess and magic into my veins.
jousmar.substack.com/p/a-love-let...
I should've known it was dangerous posting this when I have so few followers – no one replied & I would've felt like the only idiot at the fool show. However, I also posted it on Instagram and found loads of fellow subscription forgetters, so there! Other people are skint & livid too! Hurray! (?) 🫠