the 7th pigeon child of the 7th pigeon child will be magic and will have to take the name 'cooper' no this did not originate as a pun but

the "i just wanna grill" guy is outside listening to the shrieks from his politically connected family. he turns to the grill. if i just grill i dont have to see. just concentrate on the grill. don't think about it. just grill. stay on the porch. don't learn the acronyms. dont learn. dont hurt

Tiktok account deletion has now adopted the "Arthur Dent trying to address his house demolition scheduling" model of accessibility

Make that eleven; I am here now

me at the character selection screen for life going 'no i bet this one isn't going to be very meta competitive' and selecting computer toucher instead

i hope this announcement was just like 7 solid hours of homestuck lore theorycrafting

well, you can't yet. but the shadow of docket stretches long across the land ~

Every now and again I have to remember that this mind governs the country

There's this universal historical trend of dictators or uniquely rancid majority parties to make life unbearable then turn around and ask "why are you not having children???"

At the top end it leads to Ceaușescu-esque forced fertilization mandates as opposed to fixing living conditions

Who planted a bunch of flowers in that tree

I'm being dragged along in the wheel well of one rn

Stuck in my mind forever alongside the crayon video

tbh this shit peaked at mickey 7: endgame

Impossible. Absolutely impossible. My internet has truth verification insurance

It's only this dumb if it's from the DC region of America

I am barely a cool enough dude to get let in the front door of pax east

I know that level of kethead, guy is so moonbrained that a five degree incline ramp could kill or paralyze him

Use to have to dial into local TV night shows for that

Hi boysss and gulsssss im ur new health secretary. want sum horrseee dewormerrrr. how bout some milk with pooooop in itttt. it cures covidddddddddd

Aw yiss raising the bar on myself

Wig otit

Just posting this picture because I immediately realized that if I ever came across this, yarn kittan would have a home for life and it's why I have to be very careful in a world full of collectable sweet things

Tweet from 'Alex Cole' @acnewsitics, reads "The Chiefs can still win if Mike Pence has the courage."

Best post of the season.

I'm so behind

What do these words even mean. We just making shit up now. "Like a zine stardust fandom Rockstar talent, president trump turned the superbowl into his own private doxxing dril at a proust concert during an eclipse"

my absolute favorite part of this entire Culture Moment™ is that the entire halftime show was a poet laureate level performance about the black experience, coded and metaphored in a way that the oppressors it talks about can not and will not understand it even when it is played directly at them live

I need you to explain what you mean, I sunburn in sub-30 minutes of exposure