loved moving around this boi 🫡🫶🏻

a person who just lounges in a cup. That’s it. That’s their character.

man it’s so Fun when your nose sucks so you tend to swallow a lot of air when you eat and then you find yourself becoming a bubbling cauldron of a witch who lives in a swamp AKA Michigan

And the pencil will come back to the apartment, look at me with sad eyes, and say “it’s not you, it’s me.” And I’ll watch as it packs up its things and leaves to fly to Thailand to find itself.

and the therapist is gonna say to it listen man, you could be the best no. 2 pencil in the world, but sometimes things just aren’t working.

But then I realized writing a check with a pencil might not be a good idea, so I went over it with a pen, and I could just feel the pencil looking at me with betrayal and how it’s gonna go and bawl over it to it’s therapist

Today I wrote a check using a pencil and it felt like I was teaching it a life lesson and how to be an adult

guys has it ever happened to you that you think “wtf am I doing with my life” and suddenly you find yourself naked in a Michael’s with a mouth full of sour patch kids asking if there’s a discount on a 100 pack of mechanical pencils don’t answer me

sammie I hope one day you too will experience this moment of tranquility where ppl fart silently together and it DOESN’T SMELL

boobs r dope

smth smth falling down the stairs with circus music 😌🙏🏼

One thing I’m gonna take with me from living in a city is that sometimes, when the stars align and the weather is just right, people’s farts on the light rail will cancel each other out and make a cathartic harmony of release

You think you’ve seen a lot of things and then suddenly there’s a cat? Masturbating?? In the middle of the street???

RDJ: the cat is cleaning itself, this guy is baked as shit

Building D grade ikea furniture without anything going wrong is the straightest I’ve ever felt in my life look at me I am big strong male I work with tools and like football and to find cheap deals at the local gun store and to hang out with ppl where we’re drinking beer in silence and I have a peni

if you're reading this, it's not too late. you can do it too.

pronouns: he/him but they also works sometimes
height: 6’0”
shoe: 12
zodiac: Aquarius
smoke: 🍃
tattoos: no but I want to
piercings: no but I want to
fave drink: water but cold

maintaining a social media presence is exhausting lurkers wya

Doctor more like DICKtor for more fabulous funnies Venmo me 1 555 5555555555

snek

DID SOMEBODY SAY THE PINK FROSTED SPRINKLED DONUT??

NANANANAAA NANAAA NAAAA NANANANAAA NANAAAAAAA

like to give y’all an example of what’s going on there:

Fictional dialogue: Look.
A: hey look!
B: what?
A: look! It’s Luke!
B: luke? Like LUKE Luke??
A: LUKE Luke! Look!
Luke: I miss my wife

This is not funny in the slightest and yet I’m ugly crying laughing what the hell is WRONG with me

Sometimes I wish English was my first language so all the thought diarrhea that’s going in my head could be translatable into text

something something a punk love song to the number five

celebrating spooky season with the hatchetfield trilogy 🎶🍏👻

#starkid #starkidfanart #theguywhodidntlikemusicals #tgwdlm #blackfriday #nerdyprudesmustdie #npdm #artistsonbluesky

wait till u hear what’s i think about mashed potatoes 😔🙏🏼

Why is choosing yourself hard as fuck where my fellow people pleasers at

time to stir up some controversy >:>
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I don’t like sushi i don’t get it it’s rice with leaves and fish it doesn’t fill me up in a good way if i eat it it doesn’t taste good stop trying to take me out to sushi places

how did you pick your username?

…it’s my LoL @ from 8 grade :’>

bogos binted 👽
#smosh #smoshfanart

so my parent’s house has solar panels they installed that generate electricity during the day that gets sold back to the electrical company they’re with but when there’s an outage they don’t work at all which makes me think abt Twitter premium