Their interview has finally concluded. The questions and answers that once danced back and forth, finally laid bare as the truth to be remembered.
He had always given Veritas anything he desired. He desired to delve deep into his own psychology, and he set up a nice room in his mind to have a discussion. He desired answers, and he provided.
But now he questions, why would he have those desires if he couldn't handle it? He wished for everyone in that room to be dead, and he helped him achieve that goal. So there's no reason for him to reject this truth.
And yet Veritas desires to forget everything that just happened.
It's probably beyond his realm of understanding, as he was Veritas's own desires personified. Any impulses he ever had were never held back by any semblance of morality or consequences, he only ever cared to gain anything he desired.
Veritas wished to remember. And he revealed the truth to him. And he wished to forget. And he ate the memories away. And he wished to remember again. And he revealed the truth again. And he wished to forget again. Again. Again and again.
After all this time he had to wonder, does he have a desire of his own? Or is it the deepest part of Veritas, who desired for himself to accept the truth just for once?
And yet he chose to shut his mind again, losing his will to continue as long as that guilt exists in his heart.
He couldn't help but feel disappointed in him.
He once provided the answers, but now he had questions of his own.
"Did you regret separating us?"
"Why wouldn't you realize this is your desires?"
"Why couldn't you accept the truth?"
The mind fell silent. He received no answers, only the echoing urge to forget everything that transpired.
This has always contradicted his other desire, to pursue the truth and to never become ignorant.
"What do you truly wish for?"
There was still no answer.
To fulfill one desire, he must ignore the other. And the failure to act on his desires, had left him disappointed in himself.
There are worse things Veritas had done in the past that wouldn't even scratch his conscience. His research and creations might have been the cause of countless pain in the world, but he would always argue that it was the user's choices and not the fault of a tool.
Would the inventor of a knife be blamed for a murder by one of his buyers? Of course not. It would be easier to commit the crime, sure, but it's not like there weren't other methods if the intent is there from the start.
It's all about the intention.
He couldn't bear to admit it, but he did wish everyone in that room to die.
It was a meaningless seminar to spread their delusions, putting doubts in their hearts over the experts. It was deemed rude to cut off their speech or to just walk away, he had to sit there and rot his mind away, until that desire of him emerged.
Hearing the truth from his other self and remembering everything that happened in that instant— to feel such joy and freedom upon realizing he could act however he wishes to, achieving his goal and to know he is smart enough to get away with it, to feel such a cathartic experience before all the guilt suddenly rains on him upon realizing it.
He couldn't blame anyone but himself. He simply had someone to fulfill his wishes for him. If he had blamed his own creation for everything that transpired, what does that make for his past creations? Can one mind bear the weight of such guilt?
His logical side kept making up excuses— But his conscience wouldn't let him get away with it. His self preservation begs for mercy, while his responsibility needed to end it all, to stop himself from causing more pain in the world—
And yet he desires to keep on living.
He couldn't form another thought. His mind needed to protect himself from any reckless behavior, and yet remembering the truth caused him unbearable pain. Is this why they say ignorance is a bliss?
It is hypocritical of him, but he wishes he could've forgotten everything.
Disappointing.
#DrRatio #HonkaiStarRail #art
