🫡👌👌👌

Oh, yeah, baby. I'll be there. 😈

...

So, towel... off?

And I meant whether you wanted to see me with the towel on or off... But I do like where that perverted little brain of yours rushed to. Very interesting.

What would you like me to be?

Uhh, I think I know my way around a 𝘨𝘶𝘯, Nero. Thank you very much.

Wait, what? What are you going to do? I'm still in the shower.

Please do.

Whaa— 𝘮𝘦? Never. Lucky for you, I just showered. Today, in fact! So... kiss? 😚

Or you could just stab me. Oh yeah, that'd work.

Mm, 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦... I come with a built-in straw you could use to drink from too.

Sure does.

Heh. "Fruit punch".

How about:

“ℑ 𝔰𝔞𝔴, ℑ 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡, ℑ 𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔢.”

That's why I use the scrub! It smells kinda weird now that I've had it for a while but it still does it's job.

Mm, I wouldn't be so sure about that. You can't really rely on solely dick-slapping a Scythe as self defense, y'know. Trust me—some parts feel weirder to grow back than others, kid.

Hey, kid! Can we help with something?

Yeah... Lady swears I have a rash, and Trish threatened to power wash me if I didn't get in here by myself. 😪

Shampoo? HAH! Do I look like a pomeranian? I'm part-demon, kid! No need for that fancy stuff... No money either.

* 𝗵𝗲’𝘀 sat behind his desk,
⠀⠀𝗺eticulously cleaning his so-called ‘𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀’ ― the trusty pair of 𝗽𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗹𝘀 he lovingly called ‘𝙚𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝙞𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘺’ ―, and mindlessly 𝘄histling a cheerful tune.

It's SHOW(er) TIME! 🚬😁😵💥🧼🚿🍺

* 𝗵𝗲’𝘀 sat behind his desk,
⠀⠀𝗺eticulously cleaning his so-called ‘𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀’ ― the trusty pair of 𝗽𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗹𝘀 he lovingly called ‘𝙚𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝙞𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘺’ ―, and mindlessly 𝘄histling a cheerful tune.

Why not? Got a better idea?

Hah! We should make that the Sparda family motto.

Dante got stuck in the washing machine again

Fool...

You gotta help meeeee, bro...

* wiggles his ass, faking a struggle. *

...

You think I don't know that!?

Sit on my face and I'll show ya 🥴

I approve of your hobbies.

That cause he schtoopid and boring. 🥱🥱😪😴

As if I could 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 shut Lady up with something like that... Golly gee, wouldn't 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 be nice?

* distractedly stares into the distance. scratches beard. *

"𝐼'𝑚 𝑏𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑘𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝐷𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒, 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑎 𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑜—"

Shut up.