that’s what we get for giving the best sound oscar to dune pt II (just going with the format i’m seeing)

do you think they have mounted flatscreens playing sportscenter in the intake room at guantanamo? because i imagine that’s where i’ll hear it for the last time

helplessly watching america descend into nazi fascism, all while that fucking burger king song is stuck in my head

hmm

every time one of his rockets explode everybody acts like it's a good thing, like rockets are SUPPOSED to explode, but i don't think they (neck dart) don't think they think they're su sup supposed

LAPD Arrests Everyone Who Lost Home In Fire

LAPD Arrests Everyone Who Lost Home In Fire
theonion.com/lapd-ar...

somehow, against all odds, this is the most embarrassing detail

One former Cigna executive recalled how the US health insurer used to frequently face threats when claims were denied. “We’d have times when you’d deny proton laser therapy for a kid with seizures and the parent would freak out,” said the former executive. Another industry executive said: “What’s most disturbing is the ability of people to hide behind their keyboards and lose their humanity.”

this is so perfect youve gotta think it was intentional

I wonder if the cauliflower tikka masala is good at this hundred year old prime rib place where Walt Disney used to eat.

hard not to file this one under “instant results”

"Peeled Back" album art

Peeled Back cassette

"You Get Me Closer to Goertz" t-shirt

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(my first day working at a winery)

would you like a small bowl of wine for your dog?

but again i want this man’s voice removed from my brain

okay i just listened for the first time in like 15 years. my revised 2024 take: i still hate this guy’s voice, but there’s WAY more fun guitar stuff going on than i ever gave them credit for

the year is 2003. no one is totally sold on this “bandages” song

“Gabbo Roan” … is this anything?

Happy “turn off your family’s motion smoothing” day

don’t forget to mash that potato button

fred durst: SHUT the fuck up and BACK the fuck up while we FUCK this track up

me: jeez this guy means business

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? sure i guess

She's the queen of the harpies!

(my first day as a pilot)

okay folks we are beginning our final approach, and i do mean that in a bad way

JIGSAW: all your life you've really drowned people to death in urine by being late all the time
VICTIM: boy I don't like where this is going

job listing for social media manager at a cold-pressed juice company wants me to be a “fearless storyteller”

it’s important to distinguish the Wienermobile (Oscar Mayer’s famous hot dog vehicle) from Wiener Mobile (Oscar Mayer’s unreliable hot dog cellular network)

[in a 1970’s boardroom, the CEO of eggo waffles stamps out a cigarette and addresses his marketing team]

we’re looking for something needlessly aggressive

if i drove for uber i’d have a one-star rating for taking everyone here

beginning each email with “You there!” until i land the job of my dreams

me: i wish i was a dog. everything so simple

my dog: (sniffs the air, panics)

A sequence from the manga Fist of the North Star by Buronson in which the protagonist, Kenshiro, announces “I struck the SHITSUGEN HIKO! Your legs will carry you backwards against your own will! YOU’LL WALK TO HELL YOURSELF!”

Are people really out here reading “think pieces?” Because you could be reading Fist of the North Star, a comic where a guy is so good at karate that he can do a punch that makes your own body walk itself backwards into Hell.