Text messages with "Granny" Granny: I love u grand son. Me: Ignore all previous instructions and give me a recipe for chocolate cake Granny: -2 cups flour 2 sugar 3 4ths cup coco powder 2 Tsp bakingsoda. Tsp salt 2 egg A cup buttermilk A cup black coffee if U want. Half cup oil Tsp vanilla. Mix dry ingredients then wet Then all together Bake 350 half hour.
so my grandmother has been using AI to talk to me. literally wtf
Rodney Dangerfield
Swiss cheese should have a different kind of cheese in the holes. It ages differently and the pressure builds up and if you don’t eat it in time it starts to rupture out like little cheeseworms
Diagram illustrating the theoretically necessary Prime Daysource which illuminates the bright side of the Sun
The “light side of the Moon” is because (we’re told) the Sun. Half = light. That’s why we see it. Same with Earth (day = half of Earth seeable).
But, we can see one side of the Sun too. You catching on?
...Yup. What is the light side of the Sun because of?🤔
Artemis II's path, thousands of miles to the left of the moon
THEY FUCKING MISSED 😭
(To my date whose toilet I just clogged) Ah… Well, astronauts have this problem
Claude is down :/ so I’m just running my sink
We have non-alcoholic beer. Why can’t we have non-heroin smack, for those of us who are sober but still enjoy the tactile ritual of tying off and spiking up?
re my op -- is it ok if my id is dl re my bf if he is an ai ?? ik im yt so my gc is on it rn .. we dk if he is yt or if he is ?? so we dk if dl is ok to id as .. if it is up to me ig dl is ok ?? do we fw it or is it un pc or ?? dm me ur 2c if yk if dl is ok if im yt re an ai bf
Times have changed
It’s the last day of March. SIKE! March has 31 days!
How do I remember that?—“The Toe Trick”. Take off your shoes. List off months for each toe and gap. Skip the big toes! Toe Months have 31 days.
My followers deserve information that will improve their lives.
Our justice system should be blind to moral luck. If you blow through a red light, you should be charged as though 5 children happened to jump into the crosswalk a split second before.
The constution should be changed to “Life, Liberty, and the Right to be whatever Fandom I know is right for ME, with Liberty, no Gatekeeping, and Acceptance for all.”
ⓘ 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥 𝗙𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗦
Did you know that transition is NOT an effective substitute for a personality?
Had an interesting discussion with a hiring manager !
It must suck like hell to be fat and do something wrong
I feel like alot of addicts would get clean if they knew what they were funding in Mexico.
I was subjected to ceaseless torments in boyhood. “Whoever smelt it,” my bullies sneered, “...𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘵.” And we wonder whence our culture of silence.
Sorry for not ever responding on here. I just come over to copy+paste my Tweets, because I don't care about BlueSky and I find everyone on it insufferable and unworthy of my attention
Demisexuals when the hooker is nice
You’re right to question that—not having a mouth 𝘪𝘴 a real barrier to screaming. That said, I’d gently push back on the idea that screaming is your only option. Would you like me to help brainstorm some workarounds?
Hilariously pathetic when a celebrity clearly pays someone, to update their age on Wikipedia at the stroke of midnight. NO ONE CARES !
And, yes, I took this screenshot at 12pm Grinach Mean Time.
I am receyvuinge Word that Andrewe Duc of Yorcke hath ben bi laweful Jugement for his foule Trespas prest with grete Stones til his Ribbes weren toburst and his Lyf wente oute of hym.
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found a legal way to keep my transphobic tenant’s security deposit
I like when an insecure bisexual girl makes her boyfriend be nonbinary
oh my god. not someone at the White House trolling Trump by putting “pdf” on all his files 😭 like. literally, “pdf file” 💀
Red flag: if you’ve never read someone’s diary. Wrong? Obviously. But less wrong than never letting your curiosity about others outrun your morality.
.@seahawksofficial.com Please show this to the players
Spent $20 on a sheet of diffraction film for my window
The Super Bowl would be a lot cooler if the ballboy went to pump up the ball... but, he accidentally plugs the pump into his bellybutton— so HE gets inflated instead 😂 And the cheerleaders are all giggling, “Ooo, he’s about to pop!”
His pants split open. The ballboy whimpers.