💖💖💖

Don’t blow my cover but I’m a better cook than his mom

But it’s my turn to be 40, the earth already done had herses!

I think it was salt in this case. Literally every time I add salt to a vegetable he’s been shocked that it was delicious.

It was barely above freezing here for school drop off this morning, my heavy coat is staying out till May.

I am starting to wonder how much of his lifelong picky eating is fixable by putting more science in the cooking.

OH SO NOW HE LIKES LITTLE TREES!

I also call our house the Zandcastle, I have a lot of fun with this last name!

Imagine being Kat 4 Obama in the year of my lord Christian Louboutin two thousand and twenty six. No ma’am we wanted blood and if we had gotten it Biden could have had a second term easy!

Steamed with salt and butter because I’m in a hurry and the Zandelions love eating little trees. Daddy wouldn’t like it no matter how I made it, he’s a legendary picky eater.

Fixing to MORTALLY OFFEND my dad (serving broccoli with dinner)

A little more hairspray in my food probably won’t kill me

I don’t have a flamethrower, I should have one.

Me: I want the maximum amount of Maillard reaction

Daddy: you gotta science up all the cooking?

Me: Yes. That’s why it’s good!

@nadiazand.bsky.social this is so stupid and funny

This is my favorite post today!

Granddad who goes all over town to find the one kind of cupcake his birthday grandson is allowed to have at school. 💖

That would be great! I think it is impossible.

Religious groups vs the extremely active Ohio burlesque community free speech face off

You’re a trooper, I would have skipped that one.

Correct take

I was thinking ballet but if Jeremy wants to venture into my apex performer zone I would be delighted!

I am not sorry, she can get it right now tonight!

Sounds like you gotta try my class once

Me when I see Madonna

I am a sex symbol for gay women, and everyone else is allowed to enjoy it as a special treat.

If I looked at you like this and complimented your suit, you’d drop everything.

Yes of course I danced with her until she forgot she had things in her hands

The suit and tie and stilettos lesbian who really awkwardly asked me to dance at my last gig still lives rent free in my brain.

If it makes you feel any better I also had to ignore my own wisdom and leave a beautiful woman all alone in my bed today. (Except when I went up to change her bandages and work on my laptop)