1 small chipoognese and 1 gigantic blue-nose supported by a pit-greyhound mix base; all on the lap of one not-especially-large 55-year-old Karen

Hello from beneath this piiiiiiile
I must've called a thousand tiiiiimes
To tell you
I'm sorry
but I’m buried in dogs
But when I call, you never seem
to get just how many
dooooogs

My Amazon cart with a different apron and sweeper

Reconsidered the color

Amazon screenshot of my cart containing a sexy apron and a less-sexy Hokey. The stilettos I have in abundance

Daddi has been good this month so I’m considering a domestic scene for next week 👗👠for fifteen years she has wanted to come home to me vacuuming in stilettos. I burnt out the motor in her Kirby so I’m getting a (bargain basement) hokey instead

As a 1979s-born Jenny living in Houston I am empowered to authorize the strike. Proceed when ready

One of my great grandfathers is named after Stonewall Jackson, his father having moved their entire family from Illinois to confederate Texas shortly before his son’s birth 🤢 you can bet I made myself a menace with this info when my relatives were posting “All lives matter” during BLM

🚨🚨🚨One of my mom’s male neighbors at the 55+ apartments has left a pineapple outside her door twice in the last few weeks 🚨🚨🚨 none of my irl friends have any idea what this means so they had to come tell bluesky 🚨🚨🚨

Hyphen?

Y’all don’t need me for that

I want to cancel my birthday trip, like…everything just sucks now. They charge you as much as they can get away with and still have you show up, but won’t pay the staff they hire to serve you enough to actually care, 100% knowing the model is unsustainable but hoping to get out before you catch on

Christian men want everyone to control Christian mens’ libido except Christian men. It’s a continence kink and the entire world is being forced to non-consensually participate. I understand a continence kink! I see the appeal but they need to own it and keep it in the bedroom and/or confessional 👩🏼‍⚖️

Phone screenshot showing nine snoozed alarms

Morning going great, totally not hung over

Sorry I disclosed my abduction and rape lol

I chose “Jerome” for my confirmation name, just in case I needed a male ID later…maybe this was why all along 🤔 Father Jerome, the Inexplicably Busty and Short

This post tells me you either read TERMINATION SHOCK or you NEED to read TERMINATION SHOCK

My most toxic trait is that 99% of my attempts to have conversations with my dogs 🐕 involve me asking “what are you doing?” which is boring because a) they can’t answer and 2: it’s always 1000% obvious what they are doing (waiting for me to drop food)

I had the first-year Honda Element and a guy got really angry about its “ugliness” in the gas station parking lot one time…that’s not what happened to this guy and he knows it

Eight. Six. Seven. Five. Three. Zero. Nine.

I just canceled my in-laws lol and it such a relief

We are so close to being high right now, I see the baggie, the tray, and the papers and I just need someone to ask me to roll 👉🏻👈🏻

white male model in "Buds of the Library" logo hoodie next to matching Phone case

Merch for my private public library support org

Actually it’s only 11 lesbians bc one passed 🥺 but I decided I am including Linda in everything forever 💔

No takers on the fishing charter option for what has now become a 12-lesbian long-weekend trip. I would feel better about this if my wife hadn’t bought herself a boat of her own this very afternoon. She is one thousand percent going to decide EVERYONE needs to fish because “now the charter is free”

A gray chipoognese with one nipple exposed, nestled in a basket that has been placed on the seat of a rolling office chair

What an Angel 😍😍😍 Mine has a basket that sits in the guest chair, otherwise she can’t see the monitor to provide her constructive criticism(s)

I have decided to move from a breakfast/lunch/dinner model to brunch/supper. Basically just involves skipping breakfast, having cereal at noon, and eating a lunchable and/or throwing myself on Gracie’s mercy at night

Accidental lifehack: left my hoodie in Mimi’s preferred office chair, and when I felt chilly I realized she was sleeping on it. Hated to wake her but godDAMN this hoodie toasty warm now. Bonus: as a poodle mix, she doesn’t shed and never smells

Probs 50% that and 50% the usual “how dare you make choices that cause me to question my own”

On his instagram there’s a photo with Chappell Roan where he’s wearing a tiny pink cowboy hat on top of his baseball cap!!!

remember Red Note

A rose bush in bloom in the corner of my backyard. There is a white fence, with neighboring houses and my wife’s problematic Jeep in the background

Well good morning, ma’am!