Somehow I reached into the fridge and got a sliver of carrot under my thumbnail

Ugh just walked through a bug orgy. I do not consent

Bring coins, poke.

The goats are my favourite because they are always smiling. Also fyi you can put hats on your pets in SV.

Adidas really wants me to lean into my middle aged tracksuit era.

Not yet, Adidas. Not yet.

I’ve never seen an agave bloom before, it looks incredible.

Picking buttercup roots out of the ground with vigour.

All e-newsletters for clothing brands right now: “Heh heh, we know things are a little weird right now…”

Why is it taking them so long to light it on fire?

My mom and aunties love telling me I look sick when I don’t wear makeup. Ladies, yall are right, I look flippin’ SICKKKKKK

Some what related, this past year I learned that not everyone experiences a numbing sensation when eating celery! It means I’m lowkey allergic but a little celery treat now and then is fine.

please sign my petition to retire the phrase “creative juices”

Mike White sucks

Sames. I keep waking up hoping my energy will be back to normal but it’s like a video game where I don’t have enough time to recharge. On the top right of my life is a yellow bar just shy of 50%

Cinnamon Rolls’ dorky cousin Hot Cross Buns is back for a visit this wretched Easter. Try to endure a conversation about how they don’t believe in the Big Bang theory, what they learned about themselves after fasting for lent, and why Peeps are their favourite spring time treat.

Skeleton pants: Really, bitch? You know it’s March, right?
Me: This is a non judgmental household and I’ll tib-fib this weekend to my heart’s delight.

Me: I’m gonna get a little snack from T&T.
*ten minutes later*
Me: I bought all of the snacks from T&T.

It’s a eat too many crepes kinda morning

I think it’s finally gone away, guys!

My kid just watched the scene where Gaston and the Beast were fighting on the roof of the castle and she started yelling “Throw him! Throw him! Throw him!”

Serious question: So like what if you were one of the reanimated furniture pieces from Beauty and the beast but you didn’t get to have a face? What if you became a bucket or a fork. Seems kinda peaceful tbh

I know mice live in grocery stores, I just don’t want to see them dance across the cereal aisle.

It’s worth it, my uncle got it a couple years ago and he said it was more painful than he ever expected.

Isabella wearing blue velvet. 💙

Let the smoke blow in my face
The cardboard ash disintegrates

It’s gonna be real cool when this four-week cough goes away

Gotta get the mayo money

Just read Animal Farm and now I’m about to play Stardew Valley. The irony is not lost. Four legs good, two legs bad!

Blocky not have an edit button is annoying to me

My favourite part of being a parent is “dance party” before bed. We play music videos for like 10-20 minutes. Tonight she was obsessed with “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and I realized her little dance move of kicking and throwing her head back was mimicking Cyndi Lauper’s skirt kicks. Magical.