The lion does not concern himself with a balanced diet

Coasting off of this until the day I die

This and a case of beer between my legs

Born to see how loud I can fart, forced to crap my pants

Ong I’m such a big and greedy fatass

This and 3 billions dollars

Yeah uhhhhhh, I’ll have eggs

“Preesh” you a grown man in your 30s dawg, put a suit on and get to work

RED BULL 🗣️🔥

Aprils fools, your lazy ass didn’t do shit today

What your ears so big for, damn

Doing adult shit with my coworkers, like discussing what kind of couches we have and when we plan on upgrading them, then immediately skeeting about it

Hardtack and rum my beloved

How I be reading my own skeets and xweets

a man wearing headphones is smiling in front of a beach scene ALT: a man wearing headphones is smiling in front of a beach scene

“You grow to be the person younger you would feel safe around” I am a mess

This and affordable living 🤤🤤🤤

Now what the hell is this

Let bro borrow my clippers and he came back with a full beard 😔

🇨🇦 I inhaled the hashbrown moments before the photo was taken, so pretend it’s there

What a terrifying young lad

Champa if he wasn’t such a fucking fat ass

Everyone wants “old timey love” until I launch a missile of an apple at their face to declare my proposal

The 15 Stellaris fans when they get to “play” their coloured spread sheet for 6 hours straight.

The humble sewer rat:

Why your ears so damn big

It’s so cold outside even the tweakers have migrated

It means, if there’s Club Soda at my funeral when I die, I will come back and drown a mf in that shit, because I don’t like it