He was absolutely correct.

Remember when stores would tape someone's bad check to the wall next to the check stand, and sometimes a copy of the person's DL. They didn't gaf about your PII back then.

a monkey is holding a skull in his hand while looking at a map of the planet of the apes . Alt: Cornelius exhaling exasperatingly.

Me: What's a magician's favorite type of foreplay?

Him: .... what?

Me: Cuppin' Balls.

Him:

The rain is making me want to snuggle under my Jaws blanket and watch Mystery Men.

The Governor from The Walking Dead looking at all of the zombie heads in fish tanks in his secret back room.

Scrolling through my drafts folder feels like..

Up early doing laundry because I wanted to Monday tf out of this Monday.

Halo is my favorite video game, but I've had a hard time getting into any of the shows or movies. Let me know if you I should try the series you're watching. Highly recommend the game though. Especially co-op with bff or significant other.

I'm a gamer and I love the Fallout show. It's incredible and there are so many little moments that only the gamers will notice. It's wonderful.

Hope there's an abortion Dr out there with the vanity license plate: KIDUNOT

I just hurt my wrist in an air drumming incident. Be careful out there.

Don't know why my microwave needs the date when I reset the clock, but I always put 11/05/55.

[Violent Femmes voice]

🎶 Do you like American Werewolf?

people want the illusion until they realize the real is better

So happy tomorrow is Saturday I can't believe it's true.

View of my hand holding an Xbox controller and my tv has Halo loading.

Time to go to my happy place.

No one is working harder right now than fact checkers

women who hate men generally just hate what men have done to them whereas men who hate women mostly just hate what women won’t do for them

the difference is crucial

Never fake an orgasm, let them know they failed.

PSA

No amount of logic will penetrate someone determined to stay deluded.

Listen to the theme song from Sealab 2021 a couple of times. That'll knock Sister Golden Hair out of there.

"I've never watched even 1 second of a porno."

Okay, Liar.

"You're so independent. You never ask for help."

Thanks, I grew up not having anyone to rely on but myself.

Watching the Godzilla Minus Zero teaser trailer more than once is totally normal, right?

Felt cute didn’t want to ruin it by taking a selfie.

These days, being happily distracted for a little while makes me feel like a piece of shit for not using that time to figure out how we're going to save democracy. I miss having responsible adults in charge of America.

Going to need everyone to please kiss your cat and/or dog on their head and gently rub both of their ears at the same time and tell them it's some love from Kielbasa. Thanks 😻

sometimes the universe just says “build character”

I wish all men who fat shame women a very Die A Burning Death

Ponder our deepest unarticulated insecurities and chill?

Oh wow! 😍