I don’t need lavender I need Dwayne the Rock Johnson to knock me out with a baseball bat!!

It’s always the fucking lavender 🤦🤣

Humanity’s real super power is play

The heart smile emoji at the end is killing me 😭🤪😂

Nothing makes me swipe left faster than “You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.” 🤮

After a first date I’m either over it immediately or I just want to skip straight to a relationship. I’m tired of mini golf and museums and no snuggling and kisses 😭

a woman says i 've been waiting for you in a dark room ALT: a woman says i 've been waiting for you in a dark room

lol 😂

Happy Valentine’s Day!

a person is holding a microphone in front of an empty stadium ALT: a person is holding a microphone in front of an empty stadium

What it feels like to tweet with no followers 😔

Is there a dating app for guys with good relational skills but no rizz?

One of the great things about working in a scientific field is I can make jokes referencing tuatara in the work chat and everyone understands 😅🦎

All my fun facts these days come from @hankgreen.bsky.social

Fake Santa from elf may sit on a throne of lies but I sit on a throne of blankets

Taxonomically all animals are fish, so I would be a platypus 😌

Holy that one is sick!!!

I mustache you a question: smash or pass?

Silly Houser, only a sith deals in absolutes

My exevangelical twitter prowess came in handy on hinge today, when a girl mentioned listening to Sufjan Stevens in the car and I knew immediately that she was bisexual

But then politicians use the public health issues around disease transmission as an excuse for breaking up encampments. But not really because they care about the health of residents but because the encampments make them uncomfortable

Also a great example of misuse of public health messaging. When public health people say encampments come with risk of disease transmission (which is true - as with any large gathering of people), they are thinking about how to make encampments safer, not advocating for breaking them up.

If I don’t make it to 10 followers I’m turning to the dark side

As an exvangelical, one of my life goals is to someday date someone who is not weird about sex.

Gender roles in dating are dumb because all I really want is for a cute girl to ask me on a date, and then we both bring each other flowers unbeknownst to the other 🥹

That’s one way to make reading academic papers more interesting 😅

I am so ready to be cozy this fall 😌