I just called it The Great Bottle of London and I stand by it

These are my favourite "GO AND APPLAUD THE FANS". The players are on the verge of tears, the supporters that haven't already fucked off are yellow blue murder at them, while Freed From Desire plays in the background.

The Great Bottle of London

I mean dear christ, they're not just not playing for the manager. They're not playing for themselves. They're not playing for anyone. They're not playing. Liam Rosenior would be best off away from that rabble.

Tottenham being horseshit has distracted people from how horseshit Chelsea have become.

This is Ronnie; a gorgeous little Blue, who needs a stem cell donor. The more people who sign up to the register, the greater his chances of finding a suitable donor. Please click on the QR code. Just a swab sample. No blood tests or anything invasive. You could save a life 💙

They will be if West Ham win or draw tonight. Otherwise, they cling on to a mathematical chance - their GD is so much worse as to be almost but quite academic - until Saturday.

I think it is if Spurs don't win at Wolves in their next match. Wolves confirmed down if they don't win, so I can guess how *that* one ends up.

This weekend's match. It feels like I ticked something off for the season by seeing a team lift a league trophy.

I did once, while playing in goal in a match with the wind behind me, kick one the full length of a pitch - it dropped about ten yards wide - and I still remember that, thirty years on.

I took the kids over the park with a football over Easter and there was no feeling quite like drop kicking a ball as far as I could for them to chase.

I Regret to Inform You All That The National League South is At It Again If you thought last season's absolute nonsense was a one-off, you're mistaken. The National League South is most definitely At It again.

The National League South is At It Again.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/i-regret-t...

WE USED TO BE A COUNTRY

Apparently only if the recipient dives, because that's apparently where we're up to with the laws of the game

Embarrassing for Donnarumma. No the goal, his refusal to admit he's bald

Gary, Donnarumma having an absolute brain melt doesn't say anything about Arsenal

I thought you were talking about the Merseyside derby for a moment, there

Well, they got him off the pitch *pretty* quickly, and it feels as though it usually takes longer the more serious it is. Though the stretcher counterbalances that somewhat, I guess.

(Liverpool playing better since the goal, btw)

He's gone off. Collision with the goalscorer, neithers fault.

Premier League debut for a not great Liverpool team in a Merseyside derby when your team has *just* conceded a goal is a test, innit

The Weekend Match: Three Bridges 3-3 AFC Croydon Athletic - The League Table Doesn't Lie First vs second in the penultimate match of the season isn't quite the exciting prospect you'd hope for when one of those competing has already secured the league title.

Your weekend match is ready, and this week it's piping hot. Three Bridges vs AFC Croydon Athletic features three bridges, a cone of shame, and an actual league trophy being lifted.

unexpecteddelirium.substack.com/p/the-weeken...

A smiling dog, laying on a blanket

Mind you, this guy is in a pretty good mood

3-1 to Three Bridges ah half time, but I thought that was more important

I miserable french bulldog wearing a cone of shame

Oh M8

I'm certain there's one, because it's right next to the station

It's a suburb of Crawley. No-one realises that. The ground is only about a ten minute walk from the station and I've been there literally hundreds of times, just never to the football ground.

(There isn't much there)

No time for a preview, due to other things getting in the way, but full words and pics will follow tomorrow.

Your UD match this weekend, and things getting into the way meant that I couldn't even decide this until five minutes ago, will be Three Bridges vs AFC Croydon Athletic in the Isthmian League Division One South East. First against second, except the title's already won.

A dead dogfish shark on Worthing beach

Happy Dead Shark Day to all who celebrate

I have written an entire series on these :-)

Recommended reading is an online book called Restricted View, which I think is still available free on the Internet somewhere as a PDF.