awawawa

i got high and stupid and vulnerable last night and kinda regret it..i'm just not sure what to feel anymore, every time i let go and have fun it feels like i'm being stabbed from the inside, the next day i feel wrong. i feel wrong all the time, i don't know what's real about me, or when i wake up

every word i say is so meaningless..it won't matter, it didn't matter

why do i try to be more social, i am not capable of it

sometimes i wonder if i'm plural, but it makes zero sense and i have no idea how i would conceptualize myself

but these mood swings are so dramatic and sudden and it feels different and apparently there have been times i've had memory loss in extreme cases, ugh idk..

selfishly, i would have nothing if it meant they could have everything. that's not how it works and i hate myself for that, i know i shouldn't but i do

a close friend going through a breakup tears my heart to shreds, i really wanted him to be happy..if anyone i know deserves to have a happy fulfilling life it's him..

why do all of the most wonderful critters i know have to suffer so much, why do they have to go through it over and over

i like to imagine better futures where everyone i love is happy and they finally get to break free of their problems, and i keep believing it's possible, even if i don't seem to be able to change anything myself..

wearing the cardigan my mom gave me always makes me feel closer to her

there'll be more here later, mostly personal/vulnerable thoughts and some art that doesn't quite fit what i wanna share on my main or ad

figured i'd finally try a more private space for myself