sir, we've lost big dogs

needed that kyle kuric corner cafe nil commercial so badly.. lifting up those tijuana eggrolls

"These are a slam DUNK"

Son tells me he knows more about buttcheeks than anyone alive.

Self-professed expert.

first fact: buttcheeks are made out of blood

if you wish to pee you must solve my riddles 3

90 year old couple who lives down the street from us wished us a merry Christmas. I saw them driving last summer

father-in-law told me an Indianapolis koscher deli needs a police presence due to a potential attack

3 years in the making let’s goooooooooo!

how your email finds me

wife is loving that i keep asking her to pass me "mommys milk" due to the color and consistency of this beer

let me open up my manus and find out

need to have roger here

anime food looks so good

Guy commercial only one that embodies a good spirit, a 2006 feeling that has to be earned and not given

If two time oscar winner doing a turbotax commercial doesn't tell you to get private selection at the grocery store, nothing will

Actually I'm into space

Yea the space in between 12 year olds buttcheeks

"i’m hearing remote again for us" is the new baby shoes, never worn

odd fella reprimanded for sitting in the ball pit reading a newspaper and scaring kids

(boomhauer voice)

white people be like i bought this for 4 dollars at aldi

can shit my friggin pants and the washer says it's clean in a lean 48 mins, but my dishes need two hours? What's going on in there???

south end crooked cardinal bird, never stood a chance

Chan: we are living inside a very large pickle

Tucker: ...man, that ain't... that aint how you say that. And we..we.. fine. We just need to get to Tel Aviv, talk to that ambassador

Chan: and he will open the jar

Tucker: now we in a pickle and a jar?

you know the kid gotta check this hb4k

Watching Louisville football feels like we're on our 11th huff and our boys just came in with a juiced rag

veil as thin as a pinto bean skin tomorrow. casing could come off unearthing the darkness within

@anitazavrrr just said it could be a "madhouse" tomorrow at the qdoba on popular level road due to their bogo entree Halloween special

lady in front of us at the football game looking up how much neanderthal is in the bloodline

had to have "the talk" with my son (you can't pee in the air vent)

bad bunny performing for the super bowl half is an extinction level event for people who think this salsa is too spicy