"Hey honey, remember that creepy 'massage' neighbor we both decided we never wanted to interact with again?

Whaddya say we take the kids over to his private island for lunch?"

When ya have a good BM and spray a Glade Carribean Breeze

"Marco just gave me a note - 'Wrap it up, I gotta take a shit real bad'"

How much could a pound of beef cost? $65, $75? 🤔

FooOOoodWishes.com with, eggs. That's right!

It's acceptable to make fun of her appearance on account of her being a huge piece of shit.

To be fair, Trump thinks Sharia Law is Jude Law's wife.

I'll be waiting on the introduction of Trumpenol. Gold-plated pills that cost a mil per bottle.

I shit, therefore I shat.
- Rene Deshart

Who is Disney fooling with Cinderella's glass slipper? Look at this thing. Lady has the feet of a toddler.

It's fun how Santa shames Blitzen for having a child with a birth deformity 🤗🎄

For your holiday enjoyment, I present to you a Minted Red Rider served in Arby's Christmas glassware from the 1987 collection. Why don't fast food joints do dope shit like this anymore?

#wehavethemeats

I think Toby Keith was right. We'd all be better off if he were a fucking cowboy.

Misuse of the word 'literally' literally makes my blood boil.

Republicans capitalizing words that don't need capitalizing is an epidemic in and of itself. 😷

My new Christmas go to drink:

Red Rider with extra ginger ale, fresh cranberry and mint garnish.

Chef's kiss 🎄😘

Sriracha is overrated. I said it.

Of course I see this after I posted my very clever and original reply

His body is a winter wonderland ❄️ 🥵

Oh thank God Trump told his followers they could go ahead and say Merry Christmas again! They don't have to hide their Christianity like cowards anymore! So blessed! 🤗

Very cool! Thanks for sharing

Normalize huffing ether while cartooning

Hell yes

“But the eggs were just so expensive.”

Ooh, tell me more! Not being sarcastic, I'm genuinely interested.

But that's from 1997. If we're going with 90s movies I nominate Basquiat.

This account is wild

I gotta use up my free minutes before the end of the month.

If you ain't down with fart and poop jokes, then get outta my face you elitist dog turd.

Mike Tyson's favorite candy.