always the bridesmaid who mysteriously disappeared after being locked inside a hope chest and now haunts the church grounds still waiting to catch the bouquet, never the bride

Getting a cold is a good reminder that everything is trying to kill you all the time.

You laugh but my grandpoppop was killed in the info wars

You can see it move sexily when it talks

VERY COOL PERSON: It's four-twenty, you know what that means?

ME: Hell yeah! [starts shoving blackbirds into a pie]

Ugh please stop saying things are maxxing. I'm maxxed to the maxx with the maxxing.

Yes, that’s because the ‘j’ is a rolled joint hanging from the lips of the word.

Pretty good crow names:
- Stephen Crowlbert
- Crow C. O'Donnell
- Shaquille Crow-Neal
- Bob Crowdenkirk
- Sheryl
- Jude Caw
- Crowland Orzabal
- The Crowtorious B.I.G.

a man in armor with the words so it begins written below him Alt: a man in armor with the words so it begins written below him

Me drinking another cup of tea in an effort to stave off the cold that I feel coming on

how is this literally happening in real life

Black Bag is great too but I did just see it recently

The only way to find out is to LET. THAT. DUCK. IN.

I am absolutely letting that duck in

Funniest thing is if this was the NYC, someone right next to you wouldn’t say “stop it that’s wrong,” they’d say “what are you deaf?”

When a sperm whale was asked to confirm this, he first lied, then when pressed, blamed it on someone else.

I like that there’s an announcement on the subway that’s like “it’s illegal to kill someone on the subway.” Good reminder

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly

Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

I also appreciate the “please don’t attack the train operator” alert. Sometimes I’m just not sure if it’s okay.

PANICKED BOY: Help! Lots of manta rays have washed up on the beach!

DISCUS CHAMPION: [rising from his towel] I've trained my whole life for this moment.

Don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Bring a knife to a vault containing many wheels of cheese in a brutalized postapocalyptic society where knives are only a legend. You are now Knifebringer, Divider of the Cheese. Raise your knife and rule the clans.

A new blazer? I acknowledge that my upper body is sliding into the sea, but my lower half? None of my business.

Buying a new business suit is perverse — I don’t appreciate being forced to consider the shape of my entire body at once.

I feel like Jude’s going into acting was a real missed opportunity

Whenever I spot something from far away I think about how good a hawk I would make.

Photo of billboard that says “IF YO’RE IN PAIN, YOU NEED LAW. 800 PAIN LAW”

YOU NEED PAIN LAW

How would I like to receive my one-time code? Man I'd like to be in a fucking glade on a temperate spring day

The College Affordability Crisis is Real, but the Media is Looking at the Wrong Schools Sturges Hall (Photo by Keith Walters ’11) Opinion By Costas Solomou, Vice President, Enrollment Management Published by the Office of Enrollment Management When Yale University released its Committee ...

"the colleges that dominate the headlines are not the colleges that most Americans attend

their core mission: to serve students from all backgrounds, at a price families can actually afford, prepare graduates for real careers and meaningful lives."

www.geneseo.edu/enrollment-m...

An exit stanchion in a building reads “Dramatic Exit.”

This rehearsal studio understands its customers.

this is fucking nuts:

Turns out that Bluesky does buffer fools gladly