I’m quietly confident that saying “a whole civilisation will die tonight“ to motivate an unarmed population to attack a regime on your behalf is very much a tactic used by The Baddies.

Holy Shit. Time to start manifesting some positivity for 2027.

In a world filled with horror this is a minor footnote to throw “train timetable updates have made the direct service I regularly use to Newcastle for work 54 minutes longer” into the howling void of anguish. Happy Festivus all.

Mani deserves better than that United performance.

More slots than Blackpool.

Although ‘United repeating a tactic that isn’t working’ has become a timeless theme.

I think about that day surprisingly often. Every time I see a crossing position I imagine Brede Hangelaand heading it away before the thing has even happened. I’ve barely crossed a road in years.

Was it really back in the Moyes era though? Feels more recent.

As temperatures approach 187 degrees in the shade, I am pleased to confirm that we will now accept written applications to temporarily store butter in the fridge without fear of being shamed.

I’d always wondered how I’d do in an AI-generated football trivia quiz against the fella from Hard-Fi. Can’t believe it’s another one ticked off the bucket list.

Postponing Gladiators because of Six Nations Rugby is the worst case of class discrimination on record.

As a United fan it’s been a challenging year in terms of my feelings about Marcus Rashford. As a parent, on World Book Day, he remains undefeated.

<salutes as entirety of Year 6 walk past in football kits>

It’s easy to see only the negatives in life right now, but I’m drawing energy from whoever did the radio edit of The Man Don’t Give A Fuck which was on 6 Music in the morning last week. That’s the kind of positive focus I hope to channel.