"... okay we're all just going to go to sleep now."

"it's mutual healing through, in fun ways, traumatizing each other"

A description of my friend group

Nerdy goth punk bar and we still do Britney Spears for karaoke

Omg the neighbors turned off their bathroom light. Miracles DO happen 😭❤️

"Nobody puts baby in a condom"

"That's very cuck of you"

"oh no Doctor Yaoi Hands!"

"Go say 2 Hail Mary's and 3 Hello Dolly's"

I think we may have finally defeated the squash vines. All it took was entirely digging up that entire section of the yard for gas line updates, sewer work, and leveling the rest to pave for parking.

(I'm not convinced it won't come back still)

Husband filling me in on world news.
Me: I'll believe that's a real name
Husband: I envy your ability to not keep up with the news.

GET BENT, YOU COPYCAT MOTHERFUCKER

When I used to watch Masked Singer, all of my guesses were deceased celebrities. Elvis isn't dead, he's the banana.

I think i need to bring back my guess that every actor is actually Jason Derulo

If anything happens and we are all blown up by nuclear missiles or something, I really hope that future civilizations discover America the Motion Picture and believe it was the true story of how America was "founded"

Pennywise and The Genie (as in Robin Williams Aladdin) do not recognize a linear timeline.

Sitting in the living room watching dumb movies last night and one of the cat toys started moving on its own. I stared, paused the movie, sighed, and told my deceased FIL that I'm NOT turning on the news. Then resumed my movie.

Go haunt another room, Bergie.

Watching Evangelion for the first time (other than the 50 attempts to finish the first episode)

"I dicarus'd too close to the Jon."

W: a car has many holes

J: It's short for Slopabottomus

J: It's short for Slopabottomus

Merry Fistmas to all and to all a good fight

I want a fistopotamus for Fistmas

Rocking around the Fistmas tree

I saw Mommy fisting Santa Claus

Have a holly jolly Fistmas

…

Somebody waits for you
Fist her once for me

Gay-ly they ring while people sing songs of good cheer fistmas is here

I'm Fister White Fistmas, I'm Fister Snow

Have a holly jolly fistmas

N: I'll bring joy to your world
A: the lord won't be the only one cumming