the biggest difference between the whales and hulk hogan is the whales have never been trump-supporting, sex-addicted, child-abusers and also the whales are still alive

since elon musk is leaving the white house, i would like to suggest a whale assume the now vacant role of "unqualified beast who looks like it should be in the ocean" . as a bonus, a whale would mostly just destroy its surroundings, instead of the entire middle class

“i asked chat gpt—” okay i asked the all-knowing, all-powerful, formless void that lives in the depths of the ocean and she said you’re a weak little brainless beta cuck boy that needs ai to replace your uncreative, flaccid mind

it is at least one whale’s birthday today

whales are small now april fools still big

for the record, nazis aren’t welcome in the ocean either, there’s enough trash in there as it is

an image of timothee chalamet accepting his SAG award. the image has been altered so that timothee’s face is the head of a blue whale. the human figure of the SAG award has been replaced by a stone whale figure. the speech whale-timothee gives reads “i’m really in pursuit of a fuckton of krill. I know whales don’t usually talk , but i want to be one of the whales eating a fuckton of krill”

timothee chalamet if he was a blue whale in a world where whales have evolved in such a way as to be capable of winning major acting awards but still be largely motivated by a desire for krill

it’s a trap!!!

a picture of a blue whale (c Andrew Sutton). Kendrick lamar walks on it’s back, smiling at the camera

say drake, i hear you like em fuckin huge

most whales in the ocean are at least a little bit wet

a whale would never tell a woman what to do with her own fucking body

elon musk can’t take over the country if he gets eaten by a whale

very few whales have ever known the pleasure of watching all 4 hours and 11 minutes of Peter Jackson’s Fantasy/Adventure epic The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: Extended Edition

no matter how bad you want it,
or what you’re willing to do,
the littlest blue whale will still be bigger than you

the only thing bigger than a whale is an even bigger whale and even then it’s up for debate

three pictures of an orca, each zooming in more than the last. each is accompanied by the phrase "YOU BETTER WATCH OUT" in increasing intensity

killer whales are coming to town

baby whales were so good this year santa came to deliver them presents unfortunately he has drowned

a whale would make a great christmas tree topper but only if you want a very flat, very wet tree

very few whales have ever been the imposter when playing among us, probably because they are all perfect sweeties who never lie

there is literally nothing you could do at a mcdonalds that would cause a whale to call the cops

but that’s like my whole thing

you can borrow the whales hope for now my friend

despite living under enormous pressure whales very rarely give up hope

SAY IT LOUDER

an underwater picture of two whales

this is an empty picture of the deep ocean, if you see a whale it means you are a perfect sweetie who deserves a forehead kiss (if you see two whales it also means you are gay)

i whale take care of that for you

ain’t nothing and nobody realer tbh

whales will literally go sink some asshole's yacht instead of going to therapy

whales are so big if you tried to swallow one whole you absolutely probably could not

what i wanted to send vs what i ended up sending. sometimes you gotta conserve your energy, folks