The last time I was happy was 2022

I miss you guys

I feel a deep hopelessness

Took two naps woke up and the spirit of kys is strong in my chest

Sometimes it gets really really hard and I feel like I'm drowning

Im sad again

Unfortunately it seems I've started binge eating again and have only just realized

No way

The last two years have broken me down so much

The Chinicheeks Instagram account is really there so I can look back at post when I wanna kms and instead of kms I laugh and smile and the good times and funny memes

I'll be okay for a day then I have to go to work and it's misery again

I prefer to post here bc talking to my friends about it feels like I'm torturing them

you’re laughing, the rapture is tomorrow and you’re laughing

Last line of defense is telling my parents I'm suicidal and I wanna go home

You know when a dog or horse get hurt and you have to put them down bc otherwise they'd love a miserable life? Das me y'all gonna have to let me go idk

Life would go on

I'm well aware of the burden I am in everyone's life and how unhappy I make everyone around me

Like you'll definitely feel bad but eventually it'll stop hurting you and you'll maybe even find your life is better without me in it and it might make you feel a little guilty but it will be true and that's fine

I feel like me killing myself is something people would be sad about initially but eventually get over

No like what is the fucking point

This is so funny cuz I called it, nothing I put effort into gets any fucking where

and I'm at ground zero every time. To the point where I genuinely just do not feel understood at all. I've tried everything and I Can't see the improvements, in fact it has gotten worst bc I am actively seeing that it's doesn't make a difference I do not see the point any of this

I accept that and I can finally get my degree and now I'm being told I still can't get it. i accept that struggling and need help and tired to get help and I barely feel better I admit when I fk up and try to do better and apologize and try to be good to the people around me

Last year I was the most depressed I've ever been and I'm like okay let me try to fix things, I get the new job I work late and to get extra hours in Soni can do the best that I can I do my thesis on time so it can get graded I try to make time for my friends

I'm really at my limit with what life can throw at me

Whoops, forgot nobody cares about me, my bad

The school is being weird with my submission and if they fuck up and I don't get to graduate again this year I kill myself like I should have last year 👍🏾

😔

If therapy works why am I fighting a panic attack at work

I don't know what to do anymore I booked a therapist but what am I supposed to do till then and what am I supposed to do until it starts working