I have one child with an EHCP & I couldn't be less satisfied without being dead

Three years of battle
Got an EHCP but mainstream
Then a court case
Just before, the LA gave her a specialist school, court over

Twist: the school is full
Still no education
The system is totally broken

Black and white image of five children representing “ghost” children. They aren’t a statistic they’re a child missing school masking their distress feeling invisible they are in every community in Scotland neurodivergent children and young people whose needs aren’t met in mainstream schools

223000 children mainly neurodivergent children are regularly absent in Scotland. Many are on part time or very part time timetables. 1 hour a week for example. Other have long lasting absences due to being burnt out by being consistently overwhelmed. We want national standardised accurate recording

So the LA aren't just messing parents about, they're messing schools and colleges about to

They've named a specialist provision (caving just before tribunal) who have No Room for my daughter....

Just when you think you've an answer... Nope

SEND children are being let down by a broken system

Stock black and white ai image of a young person sitting looking sad with their head in there folded arms. They are sitting hunched up beside a brick wall. Their face and head is covered by a hoodie. A school bag sits beside them. The caption reads 223 000 neurodivergent children and young people in Scotland can’t access their legal right to education

Daily reminder that 222,000 children, young people and their parents/carers are struggling right now. They may have had no sleep. Burnout means they aren’t engaging in normal activities. Barely able to leave their rooms or houses. Or so distressed being upset, crying and screaming. School is cause.

A piece of glass with three flower like stalks, a butterfly and grass at the bottom - pre-firing

The same glass, now curved and fired. The colours of the pink flowers and orange butterfly pop.

Almost two weeks ago I attended a fused glass workshop. It was two hours of design, chat & delicate glueing.

The finished curved piece is both beautiful & a reminder of a lovely crafternoon with friends.

Three years out of education
18 months with an EHCP (said mainstream but mainstream said no)
Nearly 300 pages of evidence
Two weeks before the court tribunal, the LA concede

With all of one week before Easter break in her final year of high school

So much energy & time wasted to save money

Step One - make schools a place where those absent want to be

Step Two - there isn't one.

Somewhere, civil servants and politicians look at these staggering figures and somehow accept that this is ok

Hundreds of thousands of lives swept under the table to save unpopular tax rises and balance budgets

It's criminal

The numbers are truly staggering & a sure sign that the system doesn't work

These children and their families are being left down by a system that doesn't suit them

I have two teens not in education - school has devastated their mental health instead of giving them friends, belonging, confidence

A mottled kitchen surface with a dark brown speech mark from a hot pan

This is an amygdala hijack
When the thinking brain shuts down due to fear & what's left is a fight/ flight/ freeze response

Yesterday it was just a scorched kitchen counter

But it's also running, going missing, shouting, cowering... Trauma and neurodivergent brains are an interesting combo

Neither of our autistic children have thrived in mainstream.

No it's worse. They've been traumatised & suffered devastating impact on their mental health.

To say we've been navigating a sh*tshow may be classic British understatement

One child is falling apart & it's tearing us all up

We're tempted to up sticks & move 200 miles away, but all the support is here.

Ooo .. I wonder if we can get Faraday wallpaper and curtains?

I once found the skeleton of a bright blue de-feathered budgie in my lounge

I was all "where did you get that?"
The cat took the 5th

So that when they put them down on a surface, the sound is clearly empty & hollow

Yet they pick them up & drink from them later

So we shut down screens and phones

But that doesn't work
We shut down the WiFi

We know she's hot-spotting her phone to Yet Another secret device

Her AuDHD brain just cannot cope with being offline to enable sleep

Instead we have to juggle IT madness & sleep deprived teen

Why is it all so hard?

Did this ever happen? Did I need to do something?

Can I have India Holton's "the Geographers Map to Romance" please?

We don't think "high functioning alcoholic" is a compliment, why should we consider "high functioning autistic" was any better?

I'm fed up of people sharing their experiences of savant neurodivergent people and presuming my teens will be the same

They are not coping
End of

Best TikTok thing going is the two dudes trying food from every country without leaving NYC. If you haven’t seen them yet, it’s incredible. My favorite so far is last week’s. Legit got me emotional.

A thin branch against a snowy winter backdrop. Along the branch are a long stretch of tiny spots of bright orange fungus

Today's been tough.
Eldest was on a phone call at 4am and I didn't get back to sleep

Navigating Olympic level parenting challenges in 4h sleep makes me go slightly insane

Patience - nil
Empathy - who cares?
Compassion - nada

This bright orange fungus was the highlight of my awful day

It's hard to feel so distanced from the festive narrative

We've had the worst Christmas yet, and that's after over a decade learning to manage lack of routine, emotions, dysregulation, sensory overwhelm, food issues

Throw puberty & teen stuff into the mix and it's been very hard to navigate

I wish it was as easy to save young lives as it was to mend the 3 items of clothing I saved from landfill

*A pocket on my dress
*A neckline of a teen's fav top, resewn
*The lining of a dress

There's a huge sense of achievement in mending that isn't the same as buying a replacement

A footpath through a woodland with leafless trees and plenty of blue sky. There are fallen leaves, bracken and an icing of snow on the ground.

Today I contemplated paths on my long dog walk .. I noted how some are wider with clear destination, some barely visible with twists and turns so you have no idea where they'll lead

The walk felt like a meditation on life & reminded me to search out those who've been here before, for advice.

A large black bronze ampersand statue overlooking rolling landscape, a few mature trees with a dappled setting sun in the background (at Yorkshire Sculpture Park)

Found/ designed time to immerse myself in creativity, art, sculpture in the gorgeous landscape

A much needed mini-holiday in a two week festive break that has been exhausting, not much fun & almost devoid of festivity

I'm not looking forward to next week - I fear the struggle will be huge

I asked my OH (in all seriousness) if it was too early to take them down today (and that's me holding off for 3 days)

A chocolate brown spaniel stares at his owner with a gold festive Christmas stocking in his mouth. He's in a lounge. His eyes say "what about me?"

I think Fred wants a stocking ...

Or a treat if he gives up the stocking without ragging it to pieces/ swallowing bits so he ends up at the vets

Despite the obvious ruse, I'd rather swap a treat than spend hundreds at the vets

Celebrities sharing their experiences can help with education & representation

Today, I saw a paragraph about Robbie Williams

As I read, some ideas clicked in my brain - I think my son might have dyscalcula

His time blindness
His inability to memorise phone numbers
His struggles getting lost...

Eldest was on her laptop until 5am this morning

Despite her begging not to have screen time limits, her AuDHD brain can't seem to make smart decisions

I woke at 0330am and am now stomping around like a bear woken from hibernation to an empty fridge