Eating French onion sun chips in the drugstore parking lot is so healing

Nothing would improve my general outlook on life more than the revival of the Name of the Year Tournament right now.

If I were a pro athlete the colour commentators would describe me as “plagued by injuries”

I just need to understand why it’s so hard to buy hooded baby jackets and hats that do not have whimsical bear ears on top?? Is there like a giant whimsical bear ear conglomerate that controls the baby hood industry?

We are in a global pandemic of people who think “vs.” is pronounced “verse”

They should invent a pedicure that feels less like torture

I Lived It: I’m Pregnant and my Conscience Wouldn’t Allow Me to Fill Up on Cookies So Instead I Had to Eat Berries Like Some Kind of Poor Excuse for Dessert

They should invent a pregnancy that does not rend your body apart from the inside out

Killed four Japanese beetles and hung two pictures. No one can tell me ANYTHING.

I never feel more like the 1980s power blazer working woman fantasy than after I’ve made a whole bunch of medical appointments over the phone. I’m invincible!!!

They should invent a less haunting term than “the quickening” for feeling your baby move inside you

Surely the market cannot support this many baby clothing companies with alliterative _____ & _____ names…surely….

I keep wanting to post some mundane little pregnancy complaint but I feel like I’m not allowed to complain about it since I wanted it so bad and worked so hard to get here. But let me just say my body is becoming uncomfortable in ways I never imagined possible 🤠

The best part about being pregnant is now I can go back to watching Real Housewives of Orange County, which I had to stop watching when I got too triggered by Meghan’s IVF storyline

An ultrasound photo of my baby doing a very dramatique hand-to-forehead swooning pose

Only I would spend a year and $[redacted] going through IVF only to get pregnant spontaneously. But just look at this baby peanut!!!!

May: canonically the cutest month

Have just been made aware of someone with a two-year-old named…Bill. I need to lie down

Like what’s the purpose of the ball cap in this situation exactly

People who just sit around inside their house wearing a ball cap… what’s going on there

Stood up for someone on Reddit and did NOT get downvoted into oblivion, feeling invincible

The grocery store is honestly one of the worst places to be perceived

I can’t explain it but the Frasier reboot feels like a fake sitcom from 30 Rock or The Comeback

Ok but wtf is a “flush” ponytail? Is that a thing? Did she mean “lush”?? Better malapropism education for writers and copy editors imho

Me and a different doctor the next day who got really incensed on my behalf that the other doctor said that and barely contained his contempt when he said “that guy is not qualified to say that”

Just got told I have a bulky uterus, a label possibly even more devastating than infertile

In old movies the way footsteps sound…like this little soft shuffle tap clop….it’s the best sound I’ve ever heard?? Does anyone understand what I mean

When you go to physio and they ask “how are you?” but you don’t know if they’re just making small talk or if you’re supposed to give an update on your injury 😵‍💫

Healthy scalpy 🥰

And that old-book smell that may or may not be toxic, hell yeah

Gonna open a secondhand bookstore that only sells the most beat-up, crinkly paperbacks because everyone knows those feel the best to read and I shan’t be explaining further