Happy being paranoid outside day

Weed cough drops

Pragmatism is losing in advance

Boat people kill local wildlife. Idgaf if raccoons are sleeping in your dinghy you fucking dentist

Coachella is trying to wipe all of the footage of The Strokes protest set so I’m gonna post it here. The last images on the screen made me cry.

Turning a museum into a police station is very American

Tortillas are peak human creation

Palantir are about six months away from ordering their employees to leave audio logs scattered around their offices

Professor Savage bringing that good knowledge!!

Florida and Texas are both states that should be hyper freedom in theory but they're run by buzzkills

Working 4 days in a row is barbarism

The most satisfying food is a good sandwich when you're starving

Martha Stewart went to prison for less

Animals are either cats or dogs
Birds are cats
Lizards are dogs
Hedgehogs are dogs
Rats? Dogs
Snakes are cats
Foxes are cats
Horses are dogs
Raccoons, badgers, weasels: cats
Bears are dogs

The Superman story where a girl is gonna jump off a building and he talks her out of it was nice. Superman is supposed to be the best person, magic powers are a bonus

I thought "The Pitt" was a post apocalyptic Thunderdome show set in New York City

Bag of potato chips claiming the flavor of Hot & spicy braised duck tongue

Hot & spicy braised duck tongue potato chips
Tastes like BBQ jerky

Martha Stewart went to prison for less

never kill yourself

What's holding you back in life?

1. lack of ambition
2. lack of wings
3. lack of dark magic
4. unchecked capitalism

That kid mark wahlberg said has a perfect face how's his career

If you want to be a writer try being anything else

If I implode hard enough into a star that would feel great

How fast does Wolverine's back hair regrow

"What are you playing on the touch tunes??"

Nothing I'm working go away

Please crush me with a rock

His face is glued on

It's not that I want restitution. What I want is for the person I believed in and supported to give a fuck that they hurt me so deeply

"I'm such a shitty person!"

Okay here are steps you could take to make things up to me after having stolen from and lied to me for years

Oh you're not going to do anything you're just going to wish we can start over

Bring on the rain. Maybe summer won't fry the grass