Still alive btw. There's a possibility I'm just too bloody minded to die on schedule.

The only reason I'm here is because my phone told me it has been a lifetime since I used......wherever this is, and asked if I'd like to delete the app.

But don't take that as evidence that many of you aren't constantly on my mind.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Chonk. Chonk chonk chonk chonk chonk. CHONK.

My GP's notes after our post Christmas powwow this morning.

*eats Digestives really loudly*

THERE'S NO DISCERNABLE DIFFERENCE!!

Hey. I was in my 20s before someone gently pointed out it is "Jesus wept" not "Jesus wet"

Why can't you fill in adult colouring books and eat a box of Maltesers on a Friday evening like everyone else, eh?

I was a "Person of Colour" in those days.

I mean, nobody asked me if I wanted to be one, but I was.

IMAGINE THE REVENUE FROM MEN OVER 70, RISHI!!

Did Rishi say anything about the tax on farts?

When people say free speech, they mean theirs and whatever other rules they can make up on the fly. They give no serious thought to the issue, or the personal difficulties and costs of maintaining that stance. They don't think they should have to.

I'm Black. A fair few of my White follows on here and X are quite happy to put up with a fair amount of casual - and not so casual, racism if the racist is otherwise interesting or amusing. It's on me not to make a fuss.If I do, I lose followers. Those are the rules.No adult conversations to be had

SITREP!

Three men on their knees in the kitchen taking turns with a Mamod steam engine.

H.E.L.P M.E.

Gun fishing.

Shotgun. Barrel. Thee and me.

You liked it better when it was just you laughing at your own jokes, didn't you?

Back off Gre guh!

Har-dee-har-dee-har.

Twat.

I wonder what happened to those two guys from Oak Furnitureland.

I won £25 on the Premium Bonds, inmates.

*fans her decolletage with five fivers*

Use an acronym?

bsky-social-6sm3m-uyv6c

I f**king AM.

Mr M has engaged alert level "colourful adjectives" chuntering due to Everton's current scoreline.

I am blushing demurely

Oh fuck YEAH. This is spuh-lendid noos.

There was a man practising the bagpipes on the beach today. I asked him why he comes to the beach to do it and he said "Because they told me to stop doing it in the woods"

Do one, short stuff.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, we didn't.

I'ma watch Hudson Hawk again tonight because it's THE finest film ever made.

Ooooo don't feel sorry for me. I've had a GREAT time.

Well, I sincerely hope you have more luck with that than my family ever did. That the pendulum has finally swung far enough towards minorities.