Big news out of Apple and Onion today. Keeping a close eye on my Boysenberry stocks

I know I signed up for this, but this is so nasty

Lara Croft standing in a dimly lit underground hideout, next to a bed with a man being taken over by a metallic growth of some sort.

We finally get to meet the man himself in "Bouchard's Hideout," where we also see the mysterious affliction befalling the people in this barren Paris. (Everyone in this game really hates Paris.)

Avengers Doomsday is the one they should have called Project Hail Mary

This is where I live and related to the bad driving I see every single day. You already roll the dice as a pedestrian, but you never know when you're going to get the driver so enraged by their own mistake they decide to kill you - which they can do easily and impulsively.

Just dropping into "St. Aicard's Graveyard." Don't worry, folks, I'm not here to rob graves! I only raid tombs!

Sorry to hear that. I wish you both the best in making it through.

Knew those were cheeky things

Street Fighter movie looks silly, as it should. No more gritty video game movies. I don't need to watch Crash Bandicoot dealing with real problems. Trying to get custody of his kids or whatever

Lara Croft standing on a walkway above a club's dance floor. There's a lightshow happening in front of her.

Lara investigates some mysterious killings at a club, "Le Serpent Rouge," by killing it on the dance floor - in jeans, no less. But also by killing everyone who works there.

"Parisian Ghetto" bluntly reminds us that before Wall Guy, there was Wall Gal.

Regardless of where you fall on this, surely you have to consider the influence of respondents being entirely in the US?

I feel like you can draw a clear line between this and Another World (which is obviously influential in many dispersed ways too).

The menu in Replaced is a Walkman-like device, held by the protagonist in his right hand. His thumb rests on a scroll wheel, while his other fingers rest on back and selection buttons. Menu options are Scans, Organizer, Tutorials, Music, Settings.

The menu in Replaced borders on tactile. We love a diegetic interface, don't we?

A short visit to "Margot Carvier's Apartment" concludes with Margot calling the cops on Lara, who is still getting used to having dialogue options.

Instead of more inventive and hard-edged horror movies, we are going to end up with a movie where Longlegs and Aunt Gladys emerge from portals to team up with the Smile monster

We've got a bombastic soundtrack in "Industrial Rooftops," but it's clearly time for a Benny Hill break.

Lara Croft staring at a large gap in an apartment building stairway, created after a part of the floor collapsed.

After 5 consecutive TR games, it still took me a while to figure out that making this trivial baby jump in "Derelict Apartment Block" does not require you to hold the action button, but the _secondary action_ button.

Lara Croft standing in an alley in front of a black guard dog, chained to the wall.

In "Parisian Back Streets," we have to find a different route to avoid this guard dog, which is easily avoidable and is not guarding a route.

Adding voice chat to Final Sentence is such a funny idea

Magazines are just novels that have been beaten with a shovel.

Ideally you'll be wanting to feel like around $700M - $1B

If you don't account for inflation, feeling like a million bucks today means you are about to be checked in to The Pitt

Cutting from a Scorsese to Pump up the Jam

If Psycho Mantis doesn't look directly at the camera and tell you to put your phone away, there's no need to do this

Whoops, accidentally used in-game bullets and not cutscene bullets

They were bought by venture capital a while ago anyway, so they'll be gone soon enough

It only took a year and a bit!

Well, that's it for TR5 and the PS1 run of adventures. I have never played Angel of Darkness, but I hear ... things?

Here in the 11th hour, "Red Alert!" introduces a gun that fires ropes, a helicopter that haunts you and Agent 47-esque cyborg assassins. Remember when the problems were bats and wolves?