CBS turned their news operation into propaganda, kicked Colbert off the air for making too much trouble, and all that just to have Charles Barkley go on the air on one of their most-watched telecasts of the year and say this lmao
Tonight in the booth Rob Manfred will:
-Refer to opening day as "a cool Wednesday time"
-Show visible disgust at a bottle of Mountain Dew Baja Blast
-Yell out "that's a quad-bagger!" when a home run is hit
-Talk about "the first step toward the championship" while referring to CBA negotiations
An adult man named Esoteric Jeff claiming The Onion would be out of business by 2025.
A series of other guys with names like Esoteric Jeff giving The Onion 12 months to live.
The Onion being named one of the most innovative companies of 2026.
Eat shit, lol, and long live The Onion.
why does a clean-shaved pedro pascal look exactly like kim kitsuragi
I really hope that the pendulum swings the other way and for the first time ever we get a cultural environment like the one every conservative imagined we had where you can never criticize trans people and if you fire one of us your life is ruined.
not a lot to feel good about right now but one thing I am absolutely reveling in is how completely fucked the indianapolis colts are
today at the World Metaphors Classic the leader of the USA didn't bother to find out the details of the situation his team was in and blindly assumed they would win a matchup they ended up losing, jeopardizing their long-term standing for no good reason
I’ve always arrogantly believed I could effectively resist being recruited to a cult and that belief has only grown more airtight as I currently endure like day 6 of an all-out blitz from instagram reels trying to convince me jim carrey was killed(? cloned? eaten?) and replaced by the illuminati
It remains wild that a reactionary centrist has "Chatterton" as a name, like Richard Scarry wanted to put Atlantic Writer as a job in "Best Word Book Ever" but didn't think kids would get it
It's not a new observation at this point but that wild Noem/Lewandowski story in WSJ really brings home the extent to which all the Trump 2 cabinet-level goblins see their jobs as flying private, doing short-form video, and screaming at underlings. They all hate each other and none of them can read.
Barack Obama has like the third largest platform of anyone on earth and he’s using it to tell us to listen to a podcast by Ezra Klein, who has famously been one of the most embarrassingly wrong pundits of the second Trump term.
hey folks, six figure opinion columnist here and gotta say, made a big ol’ whoopsie on the most consequential and honestly, probably the most obvious opinion of my life. thats my bad. anyway, guess I’ll just keep getting paid to give my opinion, thanks for reading
/in the tone of a doctor giving you extremely bad news "Fans, get ready for the 2026 NFL Pro Bowl Games,"
the nba postponed a game because the united states government is killing its citizens
When you realize you used your influential platform to make this version of our country happen
From this moment forward (and before, but clearly now):
-If you work for ICE.
-If you vote for money for ICE.
You are complicit. This is the gestapo. You're on the wrong side. You can't pretend not to know.
my dog looking outside
the snow anticipator
about to see this with an in-person intro from fiona prine. excited to cry a lot youtu.be/xYRqbmj8D7c?...
you just KNOW that the Pope is watching this game on his phone right now at 3:40am
caleb williams PLEASE be serious
whaaaaaaaaaat
it would be infuriating to have a lineman step on you and then fall ass-first onto your head and then lay on the ground hurt
alright well surely another absolutely chaotic, turnover-riddled clusterfuck of a playoff game isn’t about to sta-
*sam darnold crashes through my living room window completely nude astride an ATV*
I do like the folks implying the league put its thumbs on the scales there. hell yeah man the nfl definitely sees bo nix as more profitable television than josh allen
We all love to gripe about announcers but you never think about how they have to say things like “it’s all down to Bo Nix now” without laughing OR crying
NFL’s New Overtime Rules - First possession per team - Which comes first: score or possession - If coin flip is heads, elect to kick or receive. Same if tails, once possessions - If a field goal is kicked on first possession, team on field must acquiesce Designed by Jon. Share with your friends if you found this helpful!
If you work for ice please understand that your kids will laugh at a character based on you dying in an action movie before the end of the decade. They’ll be in movies for really little kids. Like Phineas and Ferb shit. There will be an action figure of you with a detachable head