BREAKING- Trump is ENRAGED that the blockade of the Strait of Hormuz has only received 3 Booms from the Rizzler.

Shout out to all the pimps and players lamenting sorrow tonight.

Wanted to put this weird interaction I had after a show to see if anyone can make sense of it

hey I enjoyed your little skits or whatever
"ok..Thanks."
I got a movie recomendation for you"
"sure!
"mud"
“I've seen it"
think its about time you rewatch it
He pats the top of my shoulder like a father.

Why do all new “modern” houses end up looking like a PlayStation 2?

Trying to think of a dumb lie to post on the internet for April fools.

On top of funding DHS and TSA there is also funding in that bill to keep having that one guy do flips off of a piano when he sings. This shit has got to stop.

Lololo

Post nut clarity is how I refer to all my shelves when I put away my nutcracker collection after the holidays.

I don’t know if I love doing stand-up comedy or if I just love eating fast food in hotel rooms

Would love to become obsessed with a legendary treasure, preferably, to a point beyond madness.

“Please sir… may I KeEP it TwiZtEd?”
Oliver Twisted Tea

Honestly couldn’t think of a worse hell than creating content that causes people to engage with me.

My Ai prompt of “fish man angry at his water bill” is worth environmentall catastrophe.

I’ll take a gremlin a ghoulie even a chud over a minion any day.

Minions just aren’t that important to me.

I know history, so it seems pretty unfair that I am also doomed to repeat it.

Continuously justifying murder of innocents has to rot a hole through the soul of all of those who seem to have such a tenuous grasp of their humanity already.

Vanity license plate idea:
HRD FRTR

In the home I grew up in, you weren’t allowed to post memes. ☹️

I feel like less people would lash out online if they were versed in the way of the blade

Hoping to get an Apple Watch for Christmas.

An Apple Watch is when the condition are right for an Apple. An Apple warning is when an Apple has been spotted in the area.

Just saw a rap rock scored slideshow of John Brown on TikTok. Im like super amped and confused.

and it’s the right answer.

“I don’t have a favorite frozen pizza” is just bragging about growing up with married parents.

Heaven can’t be crowded, because if it was, it wouldn’t be heaven.

I should be shamed for doing comedy regardless of where I’m at.

Those people talk like parents whose kids went no contact.

James Fritz - Old Man Yells at Crowd Listen to Old Man Yells at Crowd by James Fritz.

New album out today on @aspecialthing.bsky.social Thank you to everyone who ever gave me stage time, everyone who ever laughed, everyone who ever recoiled, the sun, the moon and the stars

lnk.to/yellsatcrowd...