I never promised to make sense 🤷🏻‍♀️

And here I was thinking unattainable fictional character and therefore can't actually hurt me.

Thanks, doc!

Do you think my therapist can explain my crush on the Allstate Mayhem guy?

Reality show idea: people who hate mornings locked in with morning people and the coffee is decaf.

Before you dm me you should know I'm perimenopausal and fat. Like actually fat. And moody as fuck.

So maybe don't?

You never like my skeets, of course I have a crush on you.

Mom come pick me up my brain is doing intrusive thoughts again

I turned notifs on for people who are always here. So basically, we live together now.

have any of you seen my phone

id love to relax but my brain
just keeps opening more tabs

im going to make plans to go out next week because future me has likely pissed me off and deserves it

Not now babe, I'm sorting my pills for the week

My hair smells like woodsmoke, cotton, sea breeze and jizz.

The energy between us is orange cat.

May the 4th is coming up and I'll be posting the same amazing joke I do every year even though it consistently bombs

Mark your calendars.

Is anything that’s wood with food on it a charcuterie board or

I'm not a serial killer. I can stop any time I want to

the kind of shrooms that make you realize you should have been a tree

I try to do a buffer skeet between reposts and shower pics so nobody ends up adjacent to my nudity, if you're wondering how much I worry about making anyone uncomfortable.

Red tinted fat chick shower selfie.

My brain is blissfully empty so here's some [NSFWish] Fat Chick Shower Content instead.

As always, look if you're into that kinda thing. If not? That's none of my business. ❤️

Aw yeah. It's "men mowing their lawn shirtless" season! 🤤

It's true 😭

Time to give "mantrum" another shot 🏆👑 Congratulations @donutscoffeeme.bsky.social from @jollyrobber.bsky.social 🏴‍☠️

Pretty sure every woman who ever told a man no has heard some variation of this at least once, no matter how pretty she is. I know it's been said to me several times.

Might let myself get taken in by a scammer today just for the flattery.

people want the illusion until they realize the real is better

based on this statistical model i made after licking 47 of them there are no daddies made of sugar

Today I will mostly be lying down doing nothing like a Victorian consumptive.

If everyone could stop time for an hour a day, we’d get used to it and start wanting more. So maybe don’t waste the time you already have being a cunt.

There's a fine line between comfort clutter and depression squalor and boy do I walk that line like Johnny everloving Cash