Today on Defenestration: Eli D'Albora doesn't want the young, balding men of the world to despair. You might be losing your hair, but you're not alone (and also resistance if futile).

It's after 8pm... have you read the April 2026 issue of Defenestration?

No? Lucky for you, I've got a link handy: bit.ly/4sO20eZ

Funny stories. Funny poems. All in one funny place.

The April 2026 issue of Defenestration is here: bit.ly/4sO20eZ

Fun fact: Although this is the first issue of volume 23, the true age of the April 2026 issue is unknown. We dredged it from the bottom of an ocean trench (where all the best humor bides its time). It could be older than your mom.

It's about that time, by which I mean it's time to hop on here during a lunch break (I have seven) to remind everyone that the April 2026 issue of Defenestration is waiting for you to discover your new favorite short story or poem: bit.ly/4sO20eZ

Lots of great, funny stuff this month!

While you check out the latest issue, know that Defenestration is once again open to short story and poetry submissions. Find all the details here: bit.ly/105Enuu

New issue of Defenestration just dropped!

Folks, we've got a new issue of Defenestration dropping in just a few days! Here's the table of contents; if these titles alone don't get you excited about reading nothing will: bit.ly/3O8qwJR

New issue arrives April 20th!

Today on Defenestration: It's Aries season, and Karen G. Berry has a series of horoscopes for the occasion. Finally, it's time for all you Aries kids to shine!

Today on Defenestration: Titi Kusumandari explains just how hard it is to have friends when it's the children who really control the schedule.

Today on Defenestration: Susan Whiting Kemp reveals what we all want to know about gut microbes. Are they really smarter than us?

Ditto proudly standing in front of the building he's razed to the ground.

Anyone else demolish buildings in #Pokopia without collecting the constituent parts until the whole thing's been leveled? It's very satisfying.

What you're looking at was once a two-story building. Plants, furniture, everything. 😆

Purple and teal Switch 2 joycons.

Went to Costco for groceries. Got myself a present.

They're so pretty. 🥹

Today on Defenestration: The year is 1354. You're a devout pilgrim looking to see all the religious sites Christian Europe has to offer. Do you stop by the Upholstery of St. Calamitus or St. Gandalf's Spigots? Barry Foy has the rundown on these and dozens of other sites!

My 9-year-old and I went exploring at my mom's house. Lots of salamanders out here today!

Today on Defenestration: Helena Feder reflects on a boring funeral service and wonders if we might all benefit from some sort of funeral rating system. Find out what it takes to reach five stars!

Today on Defenestration: Maggie Russell understands just how difficult it is to prepare for a medical appointment, so she's chronicled the process in devilish detail. You're welcome.

Today on Defenestration: Ayoung Kim presents an email exchange between a gourmet grocer and an enterprising inventor with a disgusting new artisanal product.

Today on Defenestration: Matthew Smith presents a thought leader's bold new app to revolutionize the Humanities. Prepare to get your think on!

My 9-year-old just caught four shiny Pokemon in a single session so he's going to be insufferable for the rest of the evening. 😆

Today on Defenestration: We get it. Work is hard, but a steady income is essential. Lucky do you, author C.J. Kelly has found some great ways to solve all your burnout problems.

I try to do that every day. 😆

I need a trained monkey or homunculus that sits by my fireplace and feeds it wood so I don't have to keep getting up while I'm trying to write.

Most of you associate Presidents' Day with sales, but here in the DC area we spend the day in fear, locked in our homes with the spell wards up, as the ghosts of presidents past make their way to the capital and haunt the streets. So happy Presidents' Day, I guess.

Friday the 13th used to be a magical time. But now that I'm experiencing fear, anxiety, and paranoia every day, how am I supposed to make Friday the 13th feel special?

Yesterday on Defenestration: A vampire-themed party. A lack of coats. An urgent need for a bathroom. Marissa Phillips has all the gothic details in this true story of teenagers at their first Dracula's Ball.

I eventually got a Nintendo, too, but I was late to the game and had to be content with my Atari 7800.

Heck, I owned it. 😆

Today on Defenestration: Jackson Mattocks cares about your mental and emotional well-being, so stop getting freaky with the cinnamon buns and pay attention!

This is acceptable. 🙂

It's a tomato soup and grilled cheese kind of day.

Gotta eat something or else I'd just be screaming.