Transit museum is dope they don’t tell you not to touch the displays, they say go ahead and make that tetanus based calculation yourself

He’s a really close friend of my friend actually

With all that’s going on in the world, can I hit your vape????

If I hit someone with the “nice to meet you” and they go “we’ve met, you don’t remember me?” I’m gonna flip it and reverse it with a “ofc i remember, didn’t wanna presume you’d remember meeeee”

I live at the fringes of society cat sitting and ordering too good to go, so I figured I’d hop back on here

I might have to tap in here cuz every time I log on anywhere else my feed is just mad full of randos

Citrus on me

VHS goes crazy if you pull out the tape and rub sand in it

There comes a point in the life of every 20 something year old where they become 30 something year old

Beautiful watching two dudes in their thirties throw a baseball back and forth stepping up to be each others dads

These porn Instagram bots keep liking my stories and I might have to get in those robotic guts

Gotta stop getting my funny up and start getting my money up 🤦🏽

Love when someone starts a sentence w “I won’t lie” cuz it implies everything else they’ve said is a lie

The thing they don’t talk about in Plato’s cave is when you’re in cave looking at shadows you can have a larger impact

The guy who came up w peep show also came up w succession and this makes so much sense

Would be hype to know anyone else on this app lol

Every dentist a sexual deviant to me

My favorite part of an argument is in the middle when you’re both whispering to prove you weren’t just yelling

Omg I haven’t seen u in 10 years, do you have an extra cig