I haven't reconnected with many people since rejoining here, but I'm grateful for all of you. Most days I haven't been at my best, so I appreciate your caring and understanding.

I try not to think of it that way; or at least, to not express it. Things are better now than they were last week, so I try to look at the silver lining. It's just so frustrating how existential depression/TRD/whatever robs me of the energy to do more of and be who I want to be, and am capable of.

They sound promising, though. Same with Spravato (esketamine). If there's something that would help so I don't drift so frequently into depression, please, yes. I *want* to be happier. I know my friends want me to be. I feel guilty that I'm not, like I let myself and you all down.

Psychedelics are gaining in popularity for TRD. Psilocybin is a big one, and my doctor is supposedly planning to open a clinic. No idea how serious or far along he is on that. I wouldn't go for something as intense as DMT or LSD (too much risk with LSD).

He's suggested moving somewhere with more sun. Nice idea, but I don't have the money up front and no job, nor am I able to sell my place first. To my knowledge there aren't programs available for people with severe depression to relocate.

Kinda listlessly depressed, I guess. I had a couple decent days, I'm grateful for that. I feel my thoughts drifting, but I lack so much energy to make meaningful change. It is a thief in that regard. I hope tomorrow my doctor and I can start to discuss other options than what I've had available.

Hyper Lucario nuts

So sluggish tonight, but I haven't even been awake 4 hours. Don't want to sleep more, but no energy to get moving.

I've noticed that trend in games media (it's probably everywhere). "Everyone forgot about these 10 old games!"... that nobody ever forgot. Gotta chase that algorithm.

Pre on me. Your libido is strong. We all need, somebody to pre on.

Pre pre pre

Contemplating, massaging, nuzzling, kissing... they're all "forms" of contemplation...

I have high confidence in my linguistic ability; I have low confidence in my ability to see something through to completion.

I could work on my physical health again. I could start one of the more fun writing projects I've been putting off while I let my current project simmer.

Guess life's on sabbatical through September. Oh well~

At some point I need to figure out what I want to actually do with the rest of my life. Maybe next week.

He told one about the Wendigo, but I don't remember that as clearly. Something about a young man getting dragged into the forest, never to be found, but you could still hear him calling out from deep within.

Kinda funny how the woods became scary in modern lore. Originally, the woods were home.

There was another where an old hermit with two dogs went after something they found. The dogs get into a tussle and the old man hears them yelp, then.. silence. That night in his cabin, he's stalked by the creature. "You know and I know, what Cunticot and Calicot know..." it repeats over and over...

I've been thinking about these old Appalachian campfire "jump scare" stories my dad used to tell me and my brothers when we were little. I'm sure there are plenty of records, but they were mostly oral tradition. They'd make for interesting modern horror if fleshed out, like The Witch.

Tailypo...

I'm gonna keep smooching like this 😙😙😙 and if somebody's paws get in the way, it's YOUR fault

💦💦💦

Happy 4/20. I haven't partaken in about five months. Don't miss it!

Want the big. Need the big. Will the big. You!

Get bigger!!

She holds on for dear life whenever she gets the Good Pets.

yes saph yes

we
are biggggg
ggggg

Big paws, giant paws, paws that span city blocks

This is my favorite time of day. As I wind down for rest, I like to listen to philosophical or spiritual subjects. Not the most endearing topics for many, but I take solace in them. Understanding myself and life is important to me. They're hard to share, but that's ok. Just for me. :3

The latest Pokemon sets are Ascended Heroes and Perfect Order. Not that I'm complaining, but when did Pokemon become gods? Magic got banned in school for one card with a pentagram when I was a pup, and now kids are playing with deities. What a time to be alive.