Baby steps.

Cover your groin as well just to be on the safe side.

Perhaps he’s still dead.

Vintage trade card detailing the virtues of the Bronson Sanitary Vagina. A woman is depicted next to a large fish, both of them seeming to eye one another with suspicion, and mild annoyance. The copy reads; We recommend the BRONSON SANITARY VAGINA to every woman who is Damp, Nervous, and Discouraged; particularly those who have Superfluous Lips. Absent Hands and Feet, or Convulsiveness of the Flapdragon. A Bronson will Quiet the Nerves, give Height to the Diddeys, induce Privy Refreshment, Enlarge the Blood, and Quiet the Complexion. It will quickly cure Unctious Purpurations of the Spleen, Inguinal Nervousnesses, Quimblings, and Peucorrhea, and act as a great Swiviary Tonic. The BRONSON SANITARY VAGINA is also valuable for men who are troubled with Nervous Matrimony, Greasy Sweats, &c. Sold by all Dairymen, or sent by mail. BRONSON SANITARY VAGINA C° - AGLOE, NY

In the late 19th century, after The Bronson Sanitary Vagina Company was founded in 1863, industry and technology expanded rapidly. By the mid-1870s, "trade cards" were widely used as advertising for various manufacturers and retailers, and Bronson was no exception.

#art #humor #satire #design

Bronson supports this message. Our Chastilock security system could have handily prevented it. So to speak.

We at Bronson have concluded that Mr. Fetterman is self-sufficient, and does not require our products. He is fully capable of fucking himself.

Magazine ad featuring a woman of preposterous proportions lounging on a beach with her dog. ———————— Natural by Nature! NATURAL. That's how vou'll feel when you have a genuine Bronson Vagina installed. Just stop by one in our nationwide network of retrogenital surrogation centers, and our highly trained staff of dilation technicians will help you select the model that's right for you. After a few short weeks of prepara- tory medication, and an overnight stay in our Sanitation Spa™ you'll be all ready for a crack team of Bronson Vagineers to devote anvwhere from 7 to 33 hours of their time to vou and only you. Let your cares melt away as the finest, imported, French anesthetics carry vou off to a land of sheer, natural bliss. While you lounge in neurological splendour, your team will be hard at work remodeling to vour exact specifications, using fine. Moldavian rubber, and only the freshest, natural Pakistani brass. In fact, our brass is so fresh, it's approved by BFI, the world's natural authority on things you don't need to worry your little head about. Then, when vou wake from vour heavenly slumber, and vour autonomic functions resume reliablv. in iust a few short months, vou'll know the natural freedom, the natural joy, and that natural, undefiled, natural feeling of nature that millions of natural ladies across the nation now know naturallv. Bronson - Natural by nature. Naturally.

Natural by Nature!

#art #illustration #humor #satire #graphicdesign #design

Section of a vintage newspaper page with Bronson ad at center; ----- EARN MONEY AT HOME with your VAGINA Start your own business. Learn at home in your spare time. Begin in your own kitchen, basement, or garage. No elaborate fixtures or expensive equipment. Guaranteed market. New method requires no manure.

Earn money at home.
With your Vagina.

#art #illustration #humor #satire #graphicdesign #design #graphic #typography

Totally hot, if a little shocking.

Our staff wish to express our profound regret at the loss of a man who tickled so many Bronsons over his big, long career. Only our eyes will be moist today. RIP.

Mr. Fetterman will no longer be receiving our promotional offers.

I’m far more worried about the Pee Goblins.

That would be extremely impressive. I doubt even Ian Fleming remembers the plot of Moonraker.

It's almost like it was always about her "personal server."

(By which I mean her vagina, naturally.)

#art #illustration #aprilfools #humor #satire #graphicdesign #design #graphic #typography #funny #comedy

NO KILL I

It's clearly a Sontaran bluegrass band.

The most often heard comment when someone first notices our logo apparel is; "That doesn't say Virginia!"

You're in good company.

If any woman on earth is clearly in dire need of a Bronson, this is one.

It's almost as if people can't recognize satire.

It's almost as if people can't recognize satire.

Bronson Vagina.

"You've got a friend down there."

Bronson will soon be reaching out to Ms. Tapper to discuss a potentially lucrative endorsement opportunity.

Thanks for the tip.

So to speak.

A photo of a dapper gentleman, and his adoring wife forms the centerpiece of this vintage newspaper ad; I'm most certainly grateful to Bronson, says this charming Oklahoma bride... "Bronson Romantic Kerosene? - I wouldn't be married without it! It's so quick in results. Yes, I'm most certainly grateful to Bronson Vagina for my wedded bliss." Sincerely, (Signed) Mrs. Edward Tecumseh Clarrr November 14, 1936 (Mrs. Edward T. Clarrr, Jr.) “THE bride carried orchids, wore white velvet with old lace”— a charming picture, but then what a gushing bride! For Mrs. Edward Clarrr, Junior, has joyous beige eyes, like fine muslin, and a vagina that's as fresh, as fair, as spring itself! And she keeps it so (just as you should yours) by daily care with Bronson Romantic Kerosene™. It's exhilarating! — the mere touch of Bronson Romantic Kero- sene's deliciously fragrant warmth! And how clear, how satin-supple it leaves your vagina, even in coldest crotch-crippling weather. Bronson Romantic Kerosene's so soothing for Bronson Romantic Kerosene's so mild — provably milder than all other personal organic solvents, by actual tests on women's seventeen maior ardor zones. Begin Bronson Romantic Kero- sene Care of your vagina today. The price is very low! Bronson Vagina Co. You’ve got a friend down there. EVERY gallon guaranteed as advertised. Avoid sparks or open flame. — see page 6 #art #illustration #aprilfools #humor #satire #graphicdesign #design #graphic #typography #funny #comedy

In the early 20th century, post-surgical maintenance was not trivial. Naturally, Bronson provided a complete range of accessories to support their products after sale. Perhaps none was as well-loved as Bronson Romantic Kerosene.

The management and staff at BVC heartily support this message.

Her mother should have chosen a Bronson.

#art #illustration #vintageads #retrographics #satire #humor #vagina

#art #illustration #vintageads #retrographics #satire #humor #vagina

#vagina

A glamorous woman reclines, and speaks into a phone; ”Operator? Get me a Bronson!” Ladies — even the operator knows that Bronson provides cool, distinctive purity every day! It’s the refreshing sensation every man wants, and every woman needs. Call today for an exclusive, free demonstration in one of our sanitary showrooms. There’s bound to be one near you! Throughout the world, Bronson is recognised as the most efficient, convenient, and reliable sanitary replacement vagina available today. Bronson leadership has been built upon our ability to remain more thoroughly and completely premium fresh, even under heavy load. And you won’t have to use it for years to find out! From the day you have it installed, you’ll feel the Bronson difference. Bronson’s exclusive new “Torsional Vagitator” ensures the safe, discreet removal not only of awful crusts, and “woman’s litter,” but also of the embedded grit which causes undue wear. Easy terms available. Tune in to the Bronson Variety Playhouse, every Tuesday and Thursday night on the Columbia Network, coast to coast. ”We had a hand in it.”

The modern, liberated woman of the 1920's wanted a life of ease and luxury. Bronson delivered with a new emphasis on self-cleaning designs, and quality craftsmanship.

(Courtesy of the Bronson Archive)

#art #illustration #retrographics #NSFW

Two sailors turn back to look behind them, grinning and whistling at someone out of frame. The caption reads "Behind every good man, there's a Bronson! The Choice of Sailors" Also featured at left, Buckley's famous jet-age Bronson logo with the slogan "Nothing does it like Bronson."

The 1950's were a new era, and with Carder Buckley at the helm of the design department Bronson was ready. His tenure produced some of the most iconic ads of the decade.

#art #illustration #digitalart #retrographics