*a squirrel in his cozy little nest, reading a candy bar wrapper like it was the evening paper, looks up at his wife*
have we ever had any money?

i think i want to be a decommissioned lighthouse when i grow up

Realtors rave about natural light. I want the unnatural kind. Every room should make it look like I’m holding a flashlight under my chin

Ratastic! 🐭

why don’t cartons of detergent have pictures of missing socks on them

How’s a warthog supposed to bounce back after being named that? Hog is bad enough, but then a warty one? Oh girl

Again, if you get a little sour cream or salad dressing on your phone, that’s good for it. That’s sustenance for the phone

any interest in joining me in a bog-timeshare?

Ooh thank you!

Morning LadyBusiness thought today would be a good day to switch the closets to spring, not knowing Afternoon LadyBusiness wants nothing to do with it. Now it's closet limbo chaos with an inaccessible bed

Is it too much if the jean jacket has a big patch on the back of a dino-skeleton???

Am I guilty of over-anthropomorphizing? When I see two matching shirts on a rack at the thrift shop, I know they were once in the same person’s closet, and I hope they get to go to a new home together again

Forget your zodiac sign, what are your Criterion closet picks

Thank you, Craig!

It’s happening! 🐕 🥰

Thank you! We’re having fun!

Thank you! She’s a sweetie!

close-up of a woman holding a small fluffy dog

what’s a good age to be responsible enough to get a dog? please say later-mid-40s

My child, seeing me staring at them from my desk, where they know I am on deadline: No! Come up with something else! I am not a metaphor!

Me, lilac lover, the minute peonies appear on the scene.

#MJMlilacReport

Sure, riding an inflatable swan down a lava flow sounds fun, but when the swan pops (almost instantly) you are in capital t Trouble

If I was a chicken, I would cross that road. Dunno why. It just feels right.

It’s true. Thank you, CB!

okay time for the small creatures who hold my eyelids open all day to clock out

We’re talking defcon puffy clouds

Bluesky is working fine for me. The more I scroll, the calmer I feel. The app still emits the scent of cinnamon rolls. Plus every time I post, my peripheral vision fills with sparkles

Who cares, pal? An all-embracing universe of love and compassion, that’s who

I met a woman today who named her child Lettuce. So that person exists

Open message to any squirrels that might be reading this: It's OK to let me approach you, I mean you no harm, in fact I believe we could one day become powerful allies