BTS has been shipped to us and is currently sailing the 7 seas

Ya! Is X down?

I haven't been around lately
But hey
Min Yoongi's Bday is the best excuse to come back

Sorry I have adhd and a fucked up life, I’ll try to retake the path of this glorious setting I create a while ago now to I have pictures of reference that resemble the characters i pictured in my head

OMG OMG OMG ITS THEEEEMMMMMM
I NEED TO FINISH THIS SHIT

I payed rent, bills, food, clothes and stuff, yeah I did had a better income and the prices on that city aren’t as high as the city I currently live in but man I just want someone to take away the money from me and manage it

And on top of that I was freaking exploding the credit cards
Without paying the bare minimum
And my salary went flying all the fuckingtime
I mean while I lived alone it wasn’t like that

I have zero savings, a lot of debt and just some bills that I’m currently paying. Including q debt that I have on my sisters name. I believe the term is a freeloader, I live at my sister’s house, I don’t pay rent nor basic services, for a long time I wasn’t even paying for food

Fast forward on time.. there’s something about be that drives me crazy but I can’t control I wish I could or that someone could teach but for the love of god I can’t fucking manage money

When I arrived home she acted as if I was this toxic person, I can understand if it’s a couple hours, hell I don’t even care if she didn’t say happy birthday I just wanted to know if she was okay

The scenarios that my head and fear build tore me apart and I was crying the whole time, I found myself alone, again.

I got on the bus to come back home and I almost had a panic attack cause she wasn’t picking the phone or texting back, I had to call the cleaning lady and she got an answer after almost an hour, only then I was able to rest on the 10 hour road trip.

There’s something that life has teach me and is to never expect anything from anyone but there’s just one thing I do expect and is my sister’s affection. I expect her call or message the whole day and it never came

Oh, the weather on the coast is incredibly hot but being in my second hometown it didn’t felt as exasperating that I thought it will
later I met a friend who also get to know what’s been going on in my head we catch up a bit and then I get on the bus and came back to where I live now

Then I went to my second hometown and spend my birthday alone, I went to say good bye to the city that schooled me for almost 10 years, I walked through the streets
I felt safer, I ate at the restaurant I always wanted to but couldn’t

I’m not ready to write about that but I felt like she tried to understand my position as a child but she being a mother also put herself on my parent place and I understand, what I also know is that she’ll never do what my mother did to me, at least I hope so

At one point my that was hosting my stay asked me if I wanted to met my parents and I told her why it wasn’t gonna happen

Actually, you think that being my hometown I’ll go to my family but I didn’t l asked for one of my friends spare room and I stayed with her and her little family for a few days where we celebrated my birthday, I met their children who I haven’t seen in a while or even met them

April 30th my boss was fired in the most inhumane way possible, I had scheduled vacations for my birthday I needed to go see my friends from hometown and tell them what was going on in my health

All of this maked me fear for my professional life rather than my life itself I was afraid I was going to go missing everything again work keeps me grounded even when it’s shit the team I work with and the people I’ve get to know there it’s really what keeps me sane

This tumor makes my hormones go crazy and since I haven’t been on the pills for it my period hasn’t shown up more that two times, yesterday being the second

It can be clinically treated but not removable, I had to take pills and keep going to check ups but I haven’t done it since April and to be honest
I’m just letting myself go

What’s up, huh?
even online I haven’t been able to show how I feel. Since last December I started to get things checked up cause I was feeling really sick, things escalated from one specialist to another.. in march I found out I have a tumor on the hypothalamus,

I feel like I should rant what’s been going on with my life, I’ll do it before I sleep

Anyway, Yoongi I miss you, come back please
I need to hear you say “everything is gonna be okay” again

I mean of course it’s awesome that there are more army that supports them but when it takes the one thing I had, the one thing I had for myself it’s fucking enraging and I feel empty again

BTS was my safe place to keep myself out of my misery and I had the feeling that this someone took it away from me, I’ve been loving them in silence because I can’t share bring army too..

Oh, I’ve been off of here since Yoongi got out, honestly I haven’t been online as army lately.. I don’t know what I feel but you know when there’s something that you feel that it’s yours and then someone just starts loving it and takes away everything you loved from it

Yoongi completed 100%of his mandatory military service.. 🥹🥹🥹

Min Yoongi I know you didn’t say when you’re gonna show up but this army here needs to hear your voice please please I can’t take it anymore
#bts #suga #minyoongi #agustd #yoongi

Yoongi completed 99%of his mandatory military service.. 🥹🥹🥹

Well, didn’t I just forgot the last two numbers cause I’ve been hella stressed but I did SS
#bts #suga #minyoongi #agustd #yoongi