2025 resolutions

they should invent a mode of storing your body that isn't sitting, standing, kneeling, laying down, or leaning

ME FROM 9 PM TO MIDNIGHT: I am exhausted

ME AT 1 AM: Need to research how to do trapeze

[ gets death tarot card ]

me: i've heard it's really not that bad

blackjack dealer: idk seems kinda bad

ok time to log on to the information superhighway and use my little ape brain to process the individual traumas of 8 billion people at once this will be fine

having recently traveled to Ireland and seen the bog bodies of (maybe) kings who were thrown into the bog to bring about better weather, I would like to propose a radical new plan to address the climate crisis

I hope my skeleton is found one day and a scientist says in a news article about me “This raises more questions than it answers.”

He is, he’s so stupid, we’re not worried, it’s my favourite thing about him