Two years since we separated, one since the divorce, and six months since he remarried, and I still dream about him and miss him. How pathetic is that?

I always had this fantasy of an undying love that would follow me for the rest of my life. The death of that fantasy has been so unbelievably painful for me. I don’t believe I can have it, and it kills me inside.

I guess it’s because I thought I had my ride or die person but that turned out not to be the case. Hard to imagine finding another. Especially with the way so many men talk on the internet. I just don’t trust them.

Started feeling mostly numb to stuff. I don’t cry as much. Except when I think about possibly dying alone… but like… why does that make me cry? I like living alone. I don’t know what’s even going on with me anymore.

He can just put me behind him so easily…

Like we just divorced in February and he’s already remarrying… what even was the point of those 18 years of my life?

It’s one of those nights where I wonder why I even exist. And kinda wish I didn’t.

This is not a private account but I don't think anyone other than friends know about it, so good enough for now. I may post ~feelings~ and stuff here in the future.

I’m adjusting pretty well to living alone. Just wish the weirdly vivid dreams of my ex coming upstairs to bed would stop.